[guitar]
[Elvis Impersonator]
(Probably NOT the real Elvis)

       When Elvis Presley was young, he had no idea that he would one day be famous-- not just famous, but the King of Rock and Roll. Likewise, when Elvis was famous, he had no idea that he would one day be a cult icon for the lunatic fringe-- not just a cult icon, but the ultimate paranormal tabloid conspiracy theory UFO/Mafia/CIA abductee.
       Years after his death, people all over the world still see Elvis. Sometimes perfectly ordinary people will resemble The King without even knowing it. Sometimes his likeness will parachute from a plane over Vegas. Sometimes someone's white-male-weird-uncle will dress up as Elvis at a family gathering. Sometimes, maybe, just maybe, it really was Elvis himself you saw walking down the street, flipping burgers, or buying SPAM at the Quicky-Mart.
       The following are *giggle* true stories from real people who have experienced an Encounter of the Elvis Kind.


Elvis is a ghost!
ok
Elvis for dinner
The Coming and Going of Days
Elvis is a cow!
Elvis is a pranker
Elvis was in Roanoke!
YOU are Elvis!
Elvis is a fuxion cardz master!
Elvis in RPGs
Elvis on the Train to Holyhead
Elvis is my father
AwOhO!
Elvis is my Earlobe.
Who was the REAL Elvis?
Elvis is a SAS trooper!
Elvis ate the family Fish!
Doctor,Presley
Do I Look Like Elvis???
Elvis,the mystireous fish
Elvis tried to kill me.
Elvis is my brother!
was there really an Elvis or wasit a dream
Elvis's pelvis got nothin' to do with it
My Corgi was Elvis
Elvis stole my ability to BOOGAY!!!!!
Elvis is my elementary school janitor
Elvis Is Out There
Elvis Went Out with my Mom During High School!
Elvis made Chris cry
Elvis wasn't real!
Elvis the Moneyless
Elvis came to canada
Daddy, that guy has hair on his cheeck.
Elvis the drunk
The American Flag
Last Night
Elvis is a donut robber
Elvis is a zombie
Elvis is MR. EVIL SQUIGGLE MAN!!!
elvis is a meanie demon child
Thrift Evil Elvis
Elvis Lives in My Closet
Elvis ate my chicken
Elvis down under
Elvis ate my twinkie
Elvis is Visser five!
The Kelp Juice
how elvis cut off my finger in the industrial tech room
Elvis is a Racoon!
Reader's Digest stole Elvis!
Elvis is a undercover F.B.I Agent!
Elvis the Vikings Fan!!
Elvis at mcdonalds
I wish I could be who I was before.....
Elvis? A Cat!?!
Now you see him,now you don't.....
Elvis..the invasion of my Tootsie Pop
Juli and Bill's Battle
Juli and Bill's Battle (Part Two)
The quest for the Blue Suede Sword
The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword: Part Two
The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword: Part Three
The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword:Part four
Where's Elvis? Ask Bill!
Where's Elvis? Ask Bill! (part two)
Elvis is Jim Nabors!
whatinthedangbloodyheck?!
I AM TALKING TO ELVIS ON THE INTERNET!!!
Elvis is Denjii O_O
my poor lost hamster
Elvis has Ruined My Film
Elvis is a rabid cow!
Elvis at the gas station.
Elvis stole my orange juice
This is all true. Really!
Elvis has possessed my Principal!
Elvis is my goldfish.
The Epic Battle for The World: Bob VS.Elvis
Elvis is leading Heck's military!!!
Lunch time for Elvis
Elvis Lives Within My Dog
Elvis is destroying Heaven!
We Destroyed Elvis!
I saw Elzilla!
Elvis is an ally with the Claw
Elvis is actually an Iraqi pilot
Elvis in Oregon
Elvis Is Vlad the Impaler!
It Would Be So Cool if This Were True!
I Still Don't Know
Elvis lives in my sock drawer
Elvis Stole My Baby!!
Elvis is a queen
Elvis? In Curlers? In my ROOM?!?
What Really Happened to Elvis!
Elvis jingbiggellydiggle
Kenny McKormic is Elvis!
Elvis is my sister
I'm Elvis!
Elvis - Evil Warlord
Elvis is Backwards
Elvismon?
Elvis flew through the air and exploded!
Elvis is my friend jason
Elvis Was Blown to Smithereens!
I think I saw Elvis!
Elvis ate my brother!!!!
I Don't Know
Elvis' secret career
Elvis is REALLY real!!!
Elvis in my cornflakes
Your Mission: Destroy Elvis!!!!!!!!
I Just Ate Elvis!!
The Mythical Elvis
Elvis' Location
The Elvis Concert
E.C. Part5 "The Rogue Nun"
Elvis on the Internet
Elvis noinwhootzafoozen
Elvis is under FBI Eyewitness protection
Elvis shawutzamahoozen
Elvis a.ka. elvirus
Elvis Imprisoned!
"Burger" King
I ate Elvis
Elvis in Venezuela
Abe or Elvis
I am gonna find him again
Elvis is under my kitchen sink!
Elvis thingamajigy
Elvis; Increadible, edible, the
The Elvis Conspiricy part4
deaf, dumb, and blind
Elvis and Mirabilis?
Elvis is an "elfis!"
Elvis kungpaktau
Elvis lives in Tahoe
Jailhouse Rock
Elvis Is Out There
Spanish Socks
ElvisBound
Elvis is a slug
Elvis at the Granny(NOT GRAMMY!) awards
Encounter
Jolly Old Saint Elvis
Elvis Is An Evil Space Mutant From The Planet Exoid
Elvis & Gamma Rays
The Elvis Conspiricy part 3
STRIKER
Elvis wasn't very nice
The Elvis Conspiricy part 2
Evil Elvis
Elvis and James Polk
The Great Battle
The Elvis Conspiricy
Elvis Assassinated All The Great Rockers
Elvis is my hamster
Elvis WAS Alive
Wow!
Paintballing Elvis!
Elvis is trying to take over the world.
Elvis Fish
King of Donuts
Elvis the speed bump
He ain't nothing but a Ho Ho Hound Dog
Elvis in my Cheese
Grocery Store Trauma
Monsters of Lowe Farm
Elvis loves his Pickle and PeanutButter Sandwich
Elvis ate my car and died.
He's dead for no apparent reason.
Yummy Elvis
my english teacher said
Gift of a Scarf
Elvis is dead, probably
Imposter at Fair
Elvis is a hero
Elvis in my cereal/soup
It came from the um.. 50's.
Elvis Ate My Homework
Elvis is a froggy.
Talk about weird!
The Squirrel
Elvis is my wife?
Welsh Farmer
The Fishmonger
A most memorable Elvis experience
This person was dumb!
A Guilty Elvis?
Elvis Destroyed My Work!

Elvis Destroyed My Work!
Archivis

Well, I never saw Elvis. He's, ya see, too slippery for that. But what I do know is that something or someone deleted my O.H.R.RPG.C.E game-in-construction off my hard drive and it wasn't me!

See, I typed in a simple deltree command. Aiming to remove a glut of files from a floppy I was stunned as a cold icy wind rippled over me. My ears detected the most subtle whispers of someone somewhere crooning about blue suede footware. And that deltree command that should have wiped a floppy....IT TURNED ON ME! My important files were wiped out and ELVIS DID IT!

Do you want to know why? Because I hadn't payed the proper respect to the King. The King knows, my friends, and he will be visiting you soon to wipe away everything you hold dear unless you open up your heart to the truth. ELVIS LIVES -- IN THE DELTREE COMMAND!!!


A Guilty Elvis?
James Paige

One time when I was in high school, I greeted my history teacher by saying "Hi, Elvis!". It wasnt his name of course, I just thought it would be amsuing to call him that. He seemed very offended. It wasnt like him. Normally, when I would say odd stuff to him like that he would look at me like I was crazy and laugh. But when I called him Elvis, he practically flipped out. He started going on about how he was nothing at all like Elvis, and would never die on the toilet of an overdose. It was true of course, he had absolutely nothing in common with Elvis Presley, but it certainly seemed like he had something to hide...


This person was dumb!
APE

This happened to someone else. Special thanks to Ross and Kathryn Petras.

A retired Harvard professor once called the National Enquirer, saying he had a photo proving that Elvis was alive. When a reporter from the Enquirer came to check it out, he saw the photo. It was a picture of the professor in front of his house... alone. "where is the photographic proof of Elvis?" said the reporter.
The man replied, "Elvis took the photo."

True story.


A most memorable Elvis experience
Thorvald

I shall never forget the day I saw Elvis.. It took me a moment before I realized it was him, but once I did the memory of that day was burned in my head forever. It was a thursday, it started like any other school day, but once physics class came around.. or maybe it was during lunch, well I looked across the room, and there he was, just... actually I don't think it was in a room, it must have been out in the open. So anyways, I looked up, or maybe looked down, and off in the shadows.. well it wasn't in the shadows, I don't think. I think it was nighttime though so it looked like shadows.. yeah, that's it, I remember it distinctly. The evening during lunch, I looked down in the open field and there I saw him! and I don't remember what happened next. Yeah, you certainly don't forget a day like that.
Maybe you forget the details, but not the day. Like the time, place, event and why you're telling the story in the first place. You may forget those, but the day will be a cherished memory as long as I live!



The Fishmonger
Anonymous

I met Elvis selling fish in Whitby, I ordered from him a smoked kipper and then asked for his autograph. He looked at me in a strange way and tried to pretend he was a normal fishmonger, but I knew it was him, yes folks,

ELVIS IS A FISHMONGER!!!!


Welsh Farmer
Dickie

Last year I was on holiday in Wales. I was walking through a field full of sheep when I saw the farmer of the field. This was private land so he wasn't very pleased that I was walking through his field and disturbing his flock. He began to shout at me accross the field, I new as soon as he opened his mouth it was him. I ran up to him to ask for his autograph and picture. This made him even more mad (he obviously didn't want to be discovered) so I decided to run away. But before I did I got close enough to see that this Welsh farmer was ELVIS!!!


Elvis is my wife?
Anonymous

One day after a party, I sat down whith my wife. She was a good singer, and I asked her to sing. She started to sing when WHAM! It hit me, she looked ALOTE like elvis, and she LOVED his songs. This may sound strange, but I think elvis is my wife! I mean, she has black hair, she drinks alote, she saide she always wanted to be a spy, and she has a PINK car! Amazing! Why would elvis do it? Don't know. Maybe to see if He/She could be able to disguise himself/herself as a women and be able to fool me.......When i saide she reminded me of elvis, she got mad. The next week, we got a divorce.....True story.....


The Squirrel
SmartyArty

One day I was walking down the street. I saw brown lump in the road. I ran to it only to see the smushed remains of a squirrel. I said the prayer you say to get squirrel's out of Purgetory (as you all know ALL squirrel's are Bhuddists) when I relized something: The squirrel looked just like Abraham Lincolon! Top-hat and all! Yes, our 16th president lives on in the body of squirrels. Then I noticed another brown lump further down the road. I ran to it only to find another squirrel a little more intact. I said the prayer in nd noticed something: the squirrel looked just like elvis!!!! Yes, elvis lives on in the bodys of animals! You might be walking by a farm and spot a cow with a guitar singing about prisons. Or you might go to the beach and see a seagull with blue suede shoes on!


Talk about weird!
Kewlio

I was playing Megazeux. To those of you who don't know what that is, it's a Game Creation System. So anyway, I was playing... it was... I think Cans][ (Cans 2)... No wait, I wasn't playing yet. I was looking at the Title screen... yeah. Anyhow, there's a big can of Pepsi (the author's inspiration for the name "Cans") that's supposed to blow up to reveal a smiley face. (This face is your character in most games.) It did that, but then the smiley blew up! Now that's not supposed to happen. The weirdest thing is... Elvis' face appeared to replace the smiley! Then like 5 seconds later, the computer shut itself down! So remember... If you're playing Cans][, be sure to start playing BEFORE Elvis's face appears!

True story! YEAH!


Elvis is a froggy.
Icer

Everyone knows I am a video game junkie. I know, I am pathetic. but hear me! ELVIS IS A FROGGY!!! you know those annoying little frogs in FF7 with the annoying and slightly lewd name of "Touch me?" THEY ARE ELVIS!! look at the little hip swivel thingy they do!!! ELVIS!!! they are ALL the reincarnation of Elvis...that's why they attack in large groups. it's called collective conciousness.
Oh yeah. And they sing too. Which means they have another innate Elvis talent, thus proving my theory.

OK. this is admittedly really stupid.

But Elvis is a froggy.


Elvis Ate My Homework
Anonymous

I recently had a run in with Elvis. The years haven't treated the King very well, sadly. Oh well... right now I'm just happy to be alive!

I was just walking to school this morning, my school stuff neatly arranged in my backpack, when suddenly a huge shadow fell over me. Turning, I saw a massive form that blotted out the rising sun! The man was fat! REALLY fat! He reached out with one enormous, shapeless fist, and lifted me into the air by my backpack!

He rifled through my stuff, spilling most of it out onto the ground. How I regret now that I had not packed a lunch, a snack, anything to satisfy the monster! His blubbery face contorted with rage, and he looked at me with a speculative kind of expression. It was horrifying!

Luckily, I always keep a spare mechanical pencil in my pocket... I stabbed it deep into the blob that was Elvis' midsection. He flinched momentarily as the compass bounced harmlessly off his protective fatty layer, and in that instant I wrencehed myself out of my backpack's shoulder straps and ran.

I didn't dare look back, but I could hear his thunderous footsteps behind me... getting farther and farther behind, his breathing getting heavier and more desperate.

Finally, he gave a thunderous bellow of rage and gave up his chase. I turned and followed surreptitiously as he waddled, wheezing, back towards my discarded backpack and school supplies. He once again searched for food, but finding none, settled for the papers- both loose-leaf and text book.

I watched helplessly as the blob devoured my stuff, then the massive person stood and- with a quick thrust of his hips that concinvced me he really WAS Elvis- he left the tattered remnants of my academic career in the dust and plodded slowly away into the nearby forest, disappearing into the morning mist. I heard his footsteps for several minutes more, but then... he was gone.

And so was my B average in Algebra.


It came from the um.. 50's.
Misteroo

Okay, there's this lady I know with red hair who decorated her house with all of this... this GARBAGE of 50's stuff... It looks like you're on the set of "Happy Days" or something. She has all of these Elvis collector plates, a juke box painted on the wall, and all of these "back in the good old days" things everywhere, including an Elvis Clock, with legs that move from side to side. If you watch it for too long, you start to develop amnesia, alzheimers, and many other types of "A-Word" Diseases. She never talked about him, though. That's the weirdest part! Since she's such a fanatic, shouldn't she be talking about how she saw elvis in her curtains this morning? It'd be funny if "Elvis" met with her. Then she'd probably go nuts saying, "I SAW ELVIS!" and continue her horrible tastes of fashion. Well, like the great Chichiri-san once said, "Itaii no da" which really means "ouch, y'know" but let's pretend it means "gooday". I'm done...yes. Indeed...bye


Elvis in my cereal/soup
BoB bobathy A.K.A. the man with no candy apple

One time I was eating alphabet's cereal, and I went to put the last spoonful in my mouth when I saw it... it said: Levis... but then I realized, it wasn't Levis, it was Elvis! Later on that day, I had alphabet's soup, and when I was almost done, I spotted letters that said: elvis ill it, which I then translated to: I still live.

So I tell you ladies and gentlewomen, Elvis lives in your food.


Elvis is a hero
Ian, Master of Penut Butter

Well, I know this sounds really screwy, BUT ITS TRUE!
Ok, I was happily working on the O.H.R.RPG.C.E, the gratest DOS program ever, and I was making a new hero when my friend called, with Elvis music playing in the background. Normaly I whouldn't mind, but that day I wasn't in a Elvis mood. I said "Elvis isn't king, stop playing it" he said "Elvis is a hero man!" and I reclesly said, "Elvis is naot a hero!" and my PC restarted! Once I got my game back from the back up file, ALL my heros in some way pertained to Elvis! Hero-1's name was Elvis, and his sprite was swaying its hips back and forth. And so on...so if you don't pay proper respect the the king, he might not pay respect to your RPGs...that sounded really stupid...


Imposter at Fair
?

Ok, so there was this fair in Michigan, that I happened to go to when I was younger. I was walking around, trying to find my babysitter, and I saw him. I am not sure if he actually was Elvis.... but he had black hair, set in a swirl, a white costume with goldish buttons, and huge, dark sunglasses that covered his eyes completely... Of course, I don't BELIEVE that Elvis is alive... but he sure has a lot of people walking around who look like him...


Elvis is dead, probably
Shockin'

I saw Elvis in the school halls a year ago. He turned the corner while I pursued, and then I heard an odd thump. I saw the window with the missing pane there, and Elvis had left a depression in the ground below. I went outside (this was at lunch) to investigate. I saw a footprint in the trees, then a broken microphone. I heard a dog barking, so I ran. THE DOG ATE ELVIS!!!


Gift of a Scarf
DUDE

It was an ordinairy day just like any other when I saw him, the KING. Right in the middle of the street walking in his white suit signing VIVA LAS VEGAS with everyone surrounding hi cheering and screaming. Then he looked at me.
"You there, come here. Come on up with me." he ordered. I couldn't believe I was going to dance with the king in front of hundreds of people. I was so shocked. I got up and danced with everyone booing me. I was so disappointed. I left with a frown.
"Here's something for your trouble." HE said throwing me his scarf. I went home filled with joy.
I woke up finding out it was a dream. But I looked at the chair and found his scarf that he gave me. I knew he was real. No one remembers it but I do.


my english teacher said
BoB bobathy A.K.A. the man with no candy apple

I was in English reveiw class, and the English teacher told the science teacher that he was at a convienient store, and he went up to the register, and bought some candy (or something). The guy rang him up and said "that'll be 10.85, with gas" and he sounded exactly like Elvis. My English teacher said "10.85?", and the guy said "uh-huh" just like elvis. My English teacher paid him and left. When my english teacher said this story, i promised him i'd put it on the internet.


Yummy Elvis
Spiny Norman

I ate him.

Yep, Back in the sixties eating Rockstars was the "in" thing to do. So i went to an elvis concert and ate him. Kinda like hmmmmmmmm, dog i think, yeah BIG dingo dog y'know. Prime rib.

I recall when he disappeared. He went off stage and into my belly!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA I AM THE KING!! back to my tale. He was ringy, not good meat. But i finished him anyway. Shame though, i shoulda eaten someone else beause some people didn't think devouring him was funny. (i sure did) So the little punks amputated my limbs. i type with my nose. Thank you.


He's dead for no apparent reason.
Anonymous

Elvis was on the toilet and he was eating a deep-fried peanut-butter-banana -benzedrine sandwich. He came out of the bathroom, and I was in his living room for no apparent reason. then he kicked me in the head. (Also for no apparent reason.) So I ran up to him and yelled BOO! So he had a heart attack and keeled over dead. So the police came and (Again, for no apparent reason) beat me with Elvis' guitar. Then I wandered in th desert for 4 minutes and 4 seconds, eating grasshoppers for no apparent reason. Then I wrote this rediculous story for no apparent reason.

THE END FOR NO APPARENT REASON




Elvis ate my car and died.
Prozak the Annoying

One day I was going to the store and i saw Elvis. Yes, I know he is dead, but I SAW THE KING. He was dressed in his normal (well, not normal, but normal for him atleast) garb and he was singing that hound dog song. I went over to the King himself and asked him for an autograph (wich must be worth a helluva lotta money now). He agreed, but only if he could have something to eat. I went inside to get a pen and some Twinkeys, but when i came back out, Elvis had taken a huge bite out of my car. Realy! I was looking at him, motor oil driping from his mouth, and i was pissed! I was eating alot of potatoes lately and I needed my car! So i went inside and got a gun. Then, i shot elvis in the foot (I had to let him suffer, he REALY pissed me off). Then i dragged him to his house and fed him bacon grease and made him smoke 2 packs of cigarettes at once. That killed him and I ran away. The cops never found out, but he is still here. That pain in the arse keeps killing my goldarn cars! I am into my third one now, all because of elvis.


What, you don't belive me? Well go ask Elvis, he'll tell you!


Elvis loves his Pickle and PeanutButter Sandwich
Karley Norman

Last night I saw Elvis at the Village Kitchen. Some people think I'm wierd for just giong to the Village Kitchen. But not anymore. They now say to me "Boy, you are cool. You saw Elvis!" and then they laugh. They must think Elvis is funny. Well, anyway. I was in the Village Kitchen, and I sit down at this table. It was crazy. And then in comes Elvis with his big apron and spatulas. He had a some green stuff coming out of his nose and around his mouth. I thought he had lost his Kleenex, but it turns out he was just eating a peanutbutter and pickle sandwich. Yup, thats him. Good old Elvis Friesen, the local cook.


Monsters of Lowe Farm
Adam Kroeker

Over the hills and far away, there is the town of Lowe Farm. This is seemingly your run-of-the-mill town, except there is no mill. But there is an elevator. And a school. And some rat-infested baseball diamonds. But amidst all the hustle and bustle of the town lies a quaint diner, Netties Cafe. Now this cafe is definately not your run-of-the-mill cafe. For in this building I saw Elvis. Not just any Elvis, but the King type of Elvis. For starters, the cafe itself is weird. Rumor has it that Nettie herself sleeps upstairs, and that late at night you can hear her singing. Singing about a pair of shoes and some time in jail. Well, here I enter the story. After a long day of truck driving, I stopped at this small cafe, and my life changed forever. I sat down at this table and low and behold, Nettie herself comes to serve me. And then, beneath the hairnet, I saw the light. A sleek wave of now-gray hair accented her ever increasing waist size and I peered down at a mint pair of blue suede shoes. Elvis is real, and I saw her...umm...him. I did, I really did.


Grocery Store Trauma
NewDarkSon@aol.com

It was the day before Thanksgiving and I was shopping at my local grocery store with my baby. I was carrying Little Keith in his cradle in one hand and a carton of eggs in the other. Then all of a sudden some guy sped towards me in his shopping cart and smashed into my cradle. Little Keith flew out and landed on the floor. Since the store was busy I watched in horror as my little boy was trampled to the ground. Instead of going after my baby, I turned around to throw my eggs at the sick man who had done this. To my dismay it was the King of Rock and Roll himself. He said, "Sorry miss." Even though I'm a guy. But I forgave him just the same. Sadly enough Little Keith didn't make it. But it compensates the sighting of Elvis.


Elvis in my Cheese
Adam Kroeker

So, I was eating my cheese the other day. Now, let me stop right here and state that this was not your average cheese chunk, slice or curds, this was a cheese stringy thing. One that tastes like rubber and you can bend. Well, I take a chomp of this here cheese, and guess what happened. Well, not much, but then, in my boredom I began to peel the cheese string by string. It was quite stimulating. Well, I had just about completed a perfect bust of some celery man thing with little eye holes and all. But would you know it, off drops one of the stringy things. In my rage I smashed the bottom of Mr. Celery and behold... Elvis appeared. Trust me, it was wierd.


He ain't nothing but a Ho Ho Hound Dog
Adam Kroeker

Elvis lives. He does. But how, may you ask? Well, settle down around the fireplace and I'll tell you the truth. You may wonder how a man can live undetected for decades, and especially a famous man at that. Well, herein lies the answer. Elvis is Santa. Who else could get away with just being there. As Santa, Elvis could live peacefully all year long, getting kids to sit on his lap at Christmas and dropping by the mall at Christmas in July sales. Heck, he could walk around as Santa all year, and nobody would care. And think of how easy it would be for Elvis to play the part, with his Jello-like belly and all. I tell you the truth. Next time you sit yourself down for a picture with Santa amidst a snowy backdrop nestled in amongst Donner and Blitzen just take some time to realize you are sitting with not only a warm-hearted man, but the king!


Elvis the speed bump
Prozak the annoying

Want to know where Elvis is now? In the Kmart parking lot. I saw it all. These people who worked for Kmart went to the cemetary and took seven corpses, one was elvis, and brought them back to the store. I was curious so I folowed them. They had cement trucks all around the place. They unloaded the bodies and put them in a line on the blacktop. Then, this is the freaky part, the poured cement on the corpses! Then they smoothed it and painted it yellow! Now Elvis is a speedbump in the Kmart parking lot!


King of Donuts
Pef2004

You want to know where Elvis is? Why, everyone has seen Elvis. He is always flying with his alien buddies. Sometimes he stops by Bigfoot's place and grab a bite to eat and watch movies like Grease, Hotshots, and every movie with an old fashion beach party. Where he is truly living away is at the IDAHO. International Donut Association Headquarters Obsession. He is the head huncho of IDAHO. He has been figure heading it since he wanted to retire but had to fake his death to do it. Now, as the official taste tester, he is so horizontally gifted he can play in a Free Willy movie as Willy and all his family at once. He has no regrets about this and finds it easier to hide his real ID. So, next time you have a donut hole or your opening a box of Dunkin' Donuts remember this. He has been eating that stuff since the 50's to make sure it is safe. Enjoy a good breakfast for The King Of Donuts.


Elvis Fish
Ryan

I think Elvis' ghost has been making contact with the living. I was in a pet shop downtown, walking in the fish section. You know, that big, black room with about 40 fish tanks and flourescant lights. I glanced around quickly, and took a double take. I saw what seemed to be a reflection in one of the tanks, OF ELVIS. I quickly vanished and nobody else had seen it.


Elvis is trying to take over the world.
Murry the all-powerful demonic skull.

I have been taken in by the many stores that told of Elvis' death, just like many others but then, after a bizarre string of events I came to know the real truth. I will tell you of them now.
One fine morning in the middle of a thunderstorm I was running through the mud butt naked. suddenly I saw two beady eyes watching me from under a bush. I quickly constructed cloths out of rain drops, rocks and dirt and the ran over to the bush to see what kind of sicko would be driven to watch nude children play in the mud in a thunder storm. I lifted the bush up and was started to find (no, not Elvis) but two eyeballs laying in the mud. a few yards away a eyeballs dog lay in the mud gasping for breath but I paid little attention to it because I was trying to figure out who these two eyeballs belonged to.
Suddenly the eyeballs started eating the nearby dog. it was really, really nasty so I watched intently. It was pretty cool. Anyway, the dog didn't care much for this act so he reached in his pockets and pulled out twenty seven large nuclear missiles. he then screwed the cap off each one and drank the contents. slowly he started transforming until a life size model of (no not Elvis) but a fire breathing worm from mars stood before us. It was about 6 and a half feet tall. Suddenly his voice rang out over the thunder a sound of rain drops. 'I am hungry.' it said. 'I demand that you make a stew for me out of the neck hair of a purple baboon living in the antarctic plucked by plutonium tweezers constructed by orange slugs in Papua New Guini.'
'Yea right!' I said. I picked up the two eyeballs and popped them in my mouth and ate em'. I was still hungry and the worm in front of me was getting more irritating by the minute. So I ate him too.
And that is my story about how Elvis is trying to take over the world. E-mail me at 'parelandra@juno.com'
Thank-you.
Your friend
Mick.



Paintballing Elvis!
Havoc.....Yes I do Exist!!

It might of been my imagination, but a trip I took to a paintball field recently turned out to be more interesting than it originally looked to be. It was a normal day of play at (name withheld for secrecy reasons) and I was enjoying some games in the semi walk on groups. Lunch comes around and I am just beat, when all of a sudden I get this incredible urge to look behind me at one of the fields, and there, walking off the field taking his mask of was...dramatic pause...*drums* bum bum bummmm.....ELVIS!!! I was amazed that he had decided to leave his home to play a game of paintball with all us "common folk". I did not ask if he was who I thought he was because I didn't want to draw attention to him, but I know it was him who was waddling up that hill into the parking lot! Elvis is alive and he's playing paintball!!!.....or he's dead and not.


Havoc


Wow!
Anonymous

I saw Elvis this morning!!! It was sooooooo cool! I was so surprised! I ran up to him and we started talking! Then we decided to go do something! We did the most amazing things! You wouldn't believe it! We did everything that ANYBODY could ever think of! It was a blast! I can't wait to tell you about it ... ! Everybody would've loved and treasured the fun and active things we did! Even the people who are like, "Elvis? Who's Elvis?" Even they would enjoy the fun and miraculous things we did! I just absolutely canNOT wait to tell you all about it! It was the funnest and most exciting thing in my life! I told my friends and they absolutely can not believe we did such amazing and wonderful things! Amazing things happened! Even after he left! He said something about having to go to a meeting with Boris Yeltsin or something like that. Oh, my gosh! I'm so excited! I just can't wait to tell you all about it!


Oh, nevermind. It's not that big a deal.


Elvis WAS Alive
Fizzle (If you call me Frizzle I shall smite thee or impale the and loot & pillage your town killing people by the thousands or sumthin impolite like that)

Yes, the sad story is as follows, it's a short story but a story none the less. One day, Elvis got a little lonely, so he decided to get a dog. It was a beagle, a huntin' dog. Well, Bob and Little Dude lived next door (they're Hamsters, if you didnt know.) That dog barked all day and parked all night at the two fuzzy rodents, so Bob and Little Dude called up their buddy Vlad. Vlad makes a living (aside from the usual looting and pillaging towns and killing people by the thousands) by being a hitman. The two hamsters paid him well to kill that annoying dog, so over to Elvis's house he went. He went into the backyard, and started to smite and impale the barky beagle. While he was smiting and impaling, Elvis came out and yealled, "Hey! that aint nuthin but a hound dog!" (Hehe, get it? hound dog...) Well, Vlad Saw the diamonds on Elvis's suit and began to smite and impale Elvis. When he was all done, there was nothing left of Elvis except a puddle of icky goo (he smite, impaled, and frapped Elvis) and proceeded to take off the diamonds. As the dog and Elvise lay there in the back yard as puddles of goo after Vlad smite, impaled, and frapped them, Vlad thought about his actions and thought to himself "Ug! shoes stained with Elvis goo, need new shoes." I know this doesn't seem like the normal sweet, cuddly, and caring Vlad we all know and love who merrily loots and pillages entire towns and smites and impales peasants by the thousands, but let me tell you, Vlad is no Care Bear, a Smurf maybe, but by no means a Care Bear. (If you were wondering, Vlad got a pair of Docs and a pair of Adidas)


Elvis is my hamster
Hamster Lips

Call me strange, but I have a nipping suspicion that Elvis is really my hamster.

I saw him at the pet store one day, and, don't ask me why, he appealed to me. At the time I noticed his plump appendages and sexy whiskery face, and BAM it hit me, he was Elvis!! Seriously!!!

So of course, I had to buy him. I also, like any NORMAL person would do, made a shrine about my hamster. Pictures and everything. I called him Mr. Popo. You can check out "his" site, but it does'nt say anything about him being Elvis, lest the world catch on to this conspiracy. But perhaps I've said too much.


Elvis Assassinated All The Great Rockers
the_fogz@yahoo.com

Given Elvis' enormous popularity during the 1950s I have reason to believe that he is responsible for the assassination of all the great rockers. Please do not try to convince me that the deaths of Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee Lewis and JB "The Big Bopper" Richardson was an "accident".
His title of "The King" was defended violently by the assassinations of 60s legends Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. "The King" then succeeded in the destruction of his arch nemesis and rival John Ono Lennon.
Elvis is alive and the real king, Chuck Berry is no longer safe...


The Elvis Conspiricy
Follerman Defender of something or other


Elvis, dead? Fact or fiction? Well I have evidence that Elvis is out there watching,waiting,thinking and plotting.Elvis is responsible for many things that happen in this world. Such as pork. Does pork taste dry to you? It`s because of Elvis! Ever since Elvis "died" he has been living underground learn skills from the lepricons and rat people of the underground world.He has learned how to control electricity in an area by shaking phone wires.Have you ever been on the internet and suddenly you`ve been disconeted for no apprent reason? Its Elvis. By shaking phone wires in the vecenity of a near by pork truck Elvis dries out the meat.Elvis is also responsible for adding extra votes to Bill Clinton during both his elections. Doing this was completly illogical even for him.Elvis is the force that makes those emergency broadcast messages come on at the worst times during your favorite shows.Just this afternoon (the date is 2-9-00) he shut off the power in my house! Although it only lasted about half a minute it could have caused great havoc!Elvis also cuts out phone numbers in the phone book making it very difficult to call certain people or places.When will Elvis strike next? We will never know for certain.But he is out there waiting to strike. Most likly even when you are reading this he is out there plotting his attack.However bounty hunters and darwfen mercenaries are hunting for him right now.Goodbye for now.

Sencerly
Follerman defender of something or other


The Great Battle
Sir Bob

Ok. . . how should I start. . . I was in first grade, just a little tiny boy, and my teacher, Mrs. Cookiedam, got me in trouble. "Why were you laughing?" Cookiedam asked. I simply replied, "Elvis barfed! It's funny!" and then she got all emotional! "We do not talk about barfing in this class," she said. So I smacked her in the face and ran away crying. That night I saw Elvis in the window! I didn't mean to get him THAT mad! He came into my house and ate MY cheese sandwich! I got mad. I love cheese sandwiches SO MUCH. If anyone disrespects it, I get mad. I tried to punch him but he tore my limb off! "I will come tomorrow," he said. "I expect more cheese sandwiches from you or you shall receive the Elvis Kick." he says.
So the next day I played hooky and trained well. I then practiced by beating up President Franklin Delano Roosevelt(He never really had polio, I just broke all the bones in his legs. He just wanted to sound tough!), beating up Mike Tyson(even though he wasn't born yet, I pretended!), and beating up Hitler(I think I started world war II?). So the next night Elvis came. It was time to show him who's boss! Hiya hiya hiya! Take that and that and that! He punches back! I'll be alright. AWSA! CARUMBA! NIG PAW PAW! CHI CHI! The sparks be flyin'! He reaches for a cheese sandwich. . .
"Super Special Spielberg Spin!"
I made so much wind I blew Elvis away and he died. Then he was reborn by Mrs. Presley.


Elvis and James Polk
I

This story just creeps me out. It still creeps me out. It will always creep me out.
One day I was sitting in Military School and I saw Elvis! Elvis Presley!!!! Everyone screamed and ran out of the school. Then I asked my teacher if I could use the restroom with my friend. He said Ok. In the restroom, Elvis and his companion, James K. Polk, armed with sledgehammers. They started destroying everything. Then I saw a big toe in the sink and threw it at James Polk. They started dancing to the Tropic of Hamster music. Soon we danced too. Then All the little girls and boys and teachers came in and danced with us. Then Elvis left the building! With James Polk.


Evil Elvis
B.O.B.

I saw Elvis' evil twin the other day. He had on green suade shoes and a black shiny jacket. His eyes were red. He was 2ft. tall and weighed 235lbs. He played the clarinet. He said he was Elvis' evil twin and that his name was Al. He said he owned a cheese farm in Pakastan. Then, he pulled out a box with a button. When he pushed the button, Graceland was completly destroyed.
I don't like Al...


The Elvis Conspiricy part 2
Follerman defender of something or other



Hello friends, today I`m going to tell the chaos Elvis has done while I`ve been trying to track him down with the help of Vlad the Impaler. When Elvis was living underground with the rat people he learned to travel back in time by jiggling his hips clockwise and spinning counter clockwise. One time Elvis landed in Scandinavia and he caused a rip in the spacetime continum. The people of Finland, Sweden, and Norway all switched places! Other side effects of his time travel include earthquakes, tornados, typhons, and the election of Jimmy Carter and John F. Kennedy. It may seem impossible but its true! He also made Ross Perot popular by using Furbies and Beanie Babies with subliminal mind control messages. He`s also the one who scratches up your CDs when you least expect it. But do not worry friends Vlad and I have just got some new sharp and pointy objects (he he). Elvis if you are reading this your days are numbered!

Sincerly
Follerman defender of something or other


Elvis wasn't very nice
Kraken

I know where Elvis is. He is in Venezuela picking coffee beans for a dictatorial corporation bent on making more money for itself and less for the people. He was in a field there picking beans and grumbling about someone named Juan Valdez when I found him. I was on a tour in Venezuela because of a school trip. He looked up at me, and I knew it was HIM. HE had grown a stubble, and he had lost wieght, but the similarity was unmistakable. ELVIS. I said "hey Elvis! Why are you working for pocket change? I thought you were the king!" He got mad at me. HE chased me and brandished his hoe for a while, and swayed his hips around. FInally, I escaped him by hiding in a field of flowers (That's what half of their land is used for. Terrible.), and eventually he left. Close call!


STRIKER
Laura

Elvis never died. He went into the army and they had to shave his sideburns off. 5 years later(still w/out sideburns) he came back and got his name changed to Striker and had plastic surgery done, the plastic surgeran didn't reconize him(who know's how, he just didn't)! Now he has a(nother) wife and 2 kids. One of them is a 13 year old girl named Laura, of whom he is very protective. No one (and I mean NO ONE) can date her. This is a true story! I should know, I'm Laura!


The Elvis Conspiricy part 3
Follerman defender of something or other



Hello again friends. In my quest to track down Elvis I have seen him many times and he has evaded me. But today I am going to tell you how to spot Elvis. Elvis can make him self invisable by jiggling his hips counter-clockwise and spining clockwise. This creates an electromagnetic feild around him which bends light around him. This is based on the Philidelphia experiment. One man saw it so you know it must be true! You might think what use is it to be invisable if you make a ton of sound? Well Elvis spins so fast he sucks the sound back into the vartex. Only if he stops sudennly will the sound and shock wave escape from the vortex. Still if you get close you can feel the electronic waves and a small humming sound. These sounds can sound like words. One time when Elvis was time travling (he time travles by jiggling his hips clockwise and spinning counter-clockwise) a group of strange people heard him. This was how the cult of France was born. An after effect of this time twisting includes the nation of France and the nation of The Hamster Republic was wiped from the pages of history. Luckly some of The Hamster Republic survived thus creating this site. Some of you are saying that if this happend how could I know? I was in the same time period hunting him down when he warped history. If this had not happend world peace would be a reality. Elvis must stand for his crimes against The Hamster Republic!

Sincerly
Follerman defender of something or other


Elvis & Gamma Rays
Diz the Poet

You know that big face people say they can see on Mars? It's not Martians, it's not solar wind or whatever... it's just Elvis' new house, on Mars! He built it in the shape of a human head because he likes to mess with people. I know this because he came to me in a dream and explained. It has something to do with Gamma Rays, and deep-fried cheese.
Don't ask me what, because it was all very complicated. All I can say is, he's alive, he's well, and he's living near the polar ice caps, because that's where all the water is. And he misses fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Eeuuw.
Oh, and he says not to worry, Priscilla! She was going to marry Michael Jackson anyway. You didn't fail as a mother. He's oddly compelling, says Elvis. And the aliens who took Elvis to Mars in the first place will be levelling Jackson's ranch as soon as they get back from Sirius Prime or whatever star they're from.


Elvis Is An Evil Space Mutant From The Planet Exoid
HappyHappyHappy!

Elvis is an evil mutant. He almost killed me. He came to the planet in search of donuts to power his super-evil donut-eating space rocket thingamajig 2000, and he landed in my backyard. He is actually a hideous creature that you can't even bear to look at. (Like Al Gore)
He had his super-evil high-powered extra-strength bug zapper drawn. I came out and he tried to zapify me, but I was too quick. I got a lot of donuts from my house and went out again. I was ready to defend those donuts with my life. He proposed that he would give me his bug zapper gun thingy if I gave him a lot of donuts. I told him that donuts were the most valuable resource on the planet and nothing was worth donuts. Before he could zap me, I gave him a Stone Cold Stunner and stole his bug zapper. When he came to, we agreed to have a wrestling match for the bug zapper. So I whooped him and now I have a handy bug zapper. I zapped Elvis and kept his brain in a jar for a souvinere. It make a good midnight snack. (Just kidding, but my hamster likes it!) I saved the world from total destruction, and now with the strongest weapon, I can finally execute my plan to take over- er.... I mean... Help the world to peace. Yeah. That's it. K........


Jolly Old Saint Elvis
Monkee

One Christmas, I snuck downstairs to go get a banana, and Santa flew out of the chimney and smashed through a wall. A mask floated down, and it was a mask of a chubby old fat guy. I looked over at Santa, only to see Elvis looking back at me. Then he touched the side of his nose and transformed into a flying hound dog and flew up the chimney


Encounter
ScreenWriter

It was the middle of the night in the middle of a thunder storm. Every couple of minutes lightning was lighting up my house. I couldn't even remember why I was awake i just knew that something was wrong. The boring episode of I Dream Of Jeanie was droning on when the power went out. I was startled, I got up when I saw a light coming in through the window. I was a erie light, something that was beyond description.
I heard a voice then, it was my Twisted Christmas cd. It was on the track were elvis was talking from heaven. I turned around and started pushing the power button on the remote (i'm way to lazy to walk two feet to turn it on the 'normal' way) it wasn't working I just thought the battery was dead and i didn't give it another thought so I laid back down on my couch then I remember that the lights were also on when the power went out! I got up and grabbed a flashlight from the cabnet. I turned it on, then when i turned around there was this blueish green portal behind me. And when it dissappeared there wear three humaniods in black robes standing there. I was spooked but I didn't have time to think, the first one took off his hood and stood there facing me. The a sword appeared in his hand and he ran at me screaming something and i'm surprised nobody heard it well i concentrated and when i looked at my hand I had a sword. He swung on a wide arc at my head. I countered then he tried to stab my i jumped aside just into the other guy who had a staff. He swung the staff at me and then when i tried to counter my sword turned into a ladder.
Bam!!! I hit him across the face and he dissappeared. As i tried to figure out what was happening the first gut lunged at me. I slammed the ladder onto the floor and jumped and flew into the air. I came down rite on his face. The third guy pulled back his hood and it was Elvis. I was too surprised to listen to what he said but it was something about completing the test. I thought this was a dream at that point so i picked up my ladder and just for the heck of it i swung.........




Elvis at the Granny(NOT GRAMMY!) awards
King Bob

One night I was watching the Granny(NOT Grammy) awards and then it was Christina Aguilera's turn to get an award. Christina Aguilera looked reaaally ugly today. She had black hair, a big head, big hands, and she had make up all over her. She won the award for the Best Salami.
"Ohhhh, thank you big mamas!" She(?) said.
That was odd. She never talked like Elvis. Wait. . . ELVIS??
I quickly ran to wherever the Granny awards took place. I hit the Christina Aguilera imposter across the head with the microphone!
"Take that! And that! And that!" I said.
One of the guys who worked at the Grammy Awards tried to stop me. HA! I stuck the microphone down his throught.
" No one gets in my way when I'm fighting off Elvis!" I said.
The crowd ran away scared. Then I got out my Elvis Vacuum and sucked him away! It was a very good day.



Elvis is a slug
sam64@jps.net

So there I was, chopping down street signs and billboards off the interstate for food for my youngins', when all of a sudden I notice something moving below. I look down and there's a slug, staring at me. Just sitting there...mocking me...thinking it's better than me...laughing at me!! I was about despose of this evil creature's life when suddenly IT LEAPS UP AT ME AND STARTS STRANGLING ME! Gasping for air, I grab the slug and put it eye to eye level, when I noticed something. It's face looked just like ELVIS! The King! SERIOUSLY! Before I could do anything it bit a big chunk out of my finger and I tossed it into the interstate and a semi hit it and nearly lost control. What was left of The King was a 1/2 mile long mucus trail.


ElvisBound
Jester

For all of those who feel a tingle when they hear the name Elvis, wondering who is this king? where did he really come from? why does he shake his pelvis at everything that moves? well, I know it all. Don't ask how I know because that is for another time when I have more digital ink to write with. Anyways, there once was an alien, named Sivle who, like all sterotypical aliens, wanted to annoy the human race and then have a cheap movie made about it. So he worked in his little spacement(his parents interstellar basement) on how he would take over the mind of the silly monkeys that inhabit Earth. Well, he came to the planet to study us. After a couple of gang-probings, Sivle decided he needed a costume or he would end up in a tabloid somewhere.(then he would be regarded as fiction like celebrities and viagra) So he took all that was cool at the time and slapped together a pretty wicked costume of a oily haired pretty boy. He stepped back and took a look his work of art then donned it for a test spin. He came across a cow, swiveled his hips at the beast.(that's how the aliens on his planet communicated) Well the cow screamed in ectasy and fell over, overwhelmed by the coolness of the action. Sivle realized he didn't need to study us anymore for he was wearing his weapon of mass destruction already! So he took to the club scene, changed his name to Elvis, and appeared on many a television show. But through time, the alien started to age so he donned bigger and saggyer suits, until...... the saggyness finally killed the big guy. But, why do we see him still? Well, the Elvis thing almost worked for the aliens but not quite. They decided that they don't need to take over our planet. If enough aliens in Elvis costumes wondered around Earth it would freak out a bunch of people. I mean, what is better? To take over the planet or to send the majority of the population to the insane asylum and then take it over later?


Spanish Socks
Little Woody

Well, me and my friends were out, down the the local pool hall (Guiodo's) and I met this girl named Sharon. She swore up and down that elvis was in her spanish sock that she keeps in the SPAM can under her bed. I said, "No way." She took me to her house and showed me..there was a dead lizard in the sock. I said "Sharon, your insane." She said, "No, look closer," I looked and then the lizard jumped out of the sock and bit my eye out. So at the hospital Sharon was in the waiting room when I came out and someone was with her, none other than the King himself, he said, "Sorry Kid, I was just joking around." This made me mad. I ran in a room and grabbed a wheel chair, charged at Elvis and scooped him up and pushed it out the window.


Elvis Is Out There
Kevin

Well this story is more of a perspective than an encounter but here it goes anyway. I believe that Elvis is out there somewhere. I don't know where but I believe he is somewhere in the world, hiding, maybe waiting for the right time to reappear to the public. All these people say they see Elvis but yet some of them are just made up. But there are some people who have truly seen the real elvis. Think about it. Sure some of them are just trying to get attention. Some miss him so much they want him to be alive. Yet some I believe have really seen him. They have seen the real elvis and do not lie about it. Then there are some who say he was abducted by aliens or that he is an alien, but that is more than likely not true. But there are people who have seen him. These people my friends have seen him and they may have only seen him for a second and then he left, or some may have seen him for 10 minutes, just standing there. In any case Elvis may or may not be out there somewhere. More than likely he is not, but there is always that little chance that The King is out there, alive and well. I for one believe the King is alive. Waiting for the perfect time to reappear to us all. The King is out there.


Jailhouse Rock
BillyBob

Elvis isn't dead, y'know. He is rotting away in a smelly Federal Penitentiary, serving 452 consecutive life sentences for killing everyone in the state of Rhode Island* (making him eligible for perole in 4 years.)

I kicked a cop in the butt and called him "foofy neener head," so I was taken down to the jail; lust in time to see one of the greatest congrugations of musical convicts. James Brown, Willie Nelson, Coolio, and Elvis were all singing, dancing and endorsing Lipton Brisk Iced Tea.**

They were thrown in solitary confinement after that, and I never saw them again.


*He was framed-- O.J. Simpson actually did it

** Brisk Iced Tea is a trademark of the Lipton tea company, and is protected by copyright laws. If anyone uses it without expressed written consent (or implied verbal consent) they will be beaten to death with a stale, week-old Hostess Twinkie***.

***Twinkies are a trademark of the hostess corporation. You will be cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril(The one from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail) if you don't ask for permission before using it


Elvis lives in Tahoe
amozarti@hotmail.com



It's true..the king lives in a trailer behind the old Sahara Tahoe building. I saw him one afternoon snacking on 2 double cheese whoppers...it was fantastic !!Then he went into "Only the Strong Survive"...it blew me away...just fantastic. After that he pounded down a large order of fries...and then..the next thing I knew..he was on one knee...sweat pouring...singing "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain"....Just very moving. So there you have it. The King is alive and well and living at Tahoe.


Elvis kungpaktau
The Xenonerd

Weclome to the wild land of the happy grasshopper chihuahuas. I have experienced much of these inane creatures and they don't like tuna fish. Now that you have cleared this up Elvis went running that way. They took out his brain cuz he wouldn't stop screaming and spitting on the little girl. Now he is good. Good good, be good, be nice and the elves will treat you well.


Elvis is an "elfis!"
by the Fluffy Mu

I was a-roaming through the convieniently placed enchanted forest glade, when I spied an elf. This was your average New-York style elf, except the hair. It pushed out like a rusty cannon on a sunken ship. Then he began saying, "Blue suede shoes. Don't be a hounddog. I like gophers!" I was so scared, I screamed and ran. Therefore, Elvis. Yeah.


Elvis and Mirabilis?
Kewlio

Yeah that's right! Mirabillis! The guys behind ICQ! I'm SURE that he's the president! Yeah, Elvis. He's also a member. His nickname is Washington Irving, and his first name (that he entered) is David. But this guy wants to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! If you've read the other Elvis sightings, you know that Elvis is rude, violent, alive and dead. I'm sure that David is ELVIS! Ask HIM! His ICQ# is 323 (reserved for staff of Mirabillis). He also says that if you start a conversation, he'll kill you once he takes over the world. Our only hope is some girl named Lou that sniffs Elvis's eyeball.

No joke.

Go away.

No, really. Go away.


deaf, dumb, and blind
Jocko

Greetings. I am a deaf, dumb, and blind retarded quadrapalegic
orangutan from New Haven, Conneticutt. One day, when I was sucking on
the severed fin of an extinct species of Austrailian dewgong, I noticed a big splotch of grease dripping on the ground in front of me.
I took one look at that puddle of sickening brown-grey sludge and that's when it hit me-- WHAM! That grease could come only from the great, the one, the only pelvis-rotatin' monarch of the Rock n' Roll world, Elvis.

I looked above me to see Elvis sleeping there on a park bench (which somehow was magically floating independently above my head), his hair dripping with grease. He had stubble on his face, and looked worn weary from the world.

So I says to him, "Hey Elvis!" I paused for a moment, unsure of what to say to someone who died before I was born. "You suck!" I blurted out. He immediately arose from his slumber, wielding a huge inflatable innertube he keft in his face. HE chased me all around the park, screaming various obscenities.

"Hey, wait a minute! You're dead" I finally said.
"Oh yeah! Well you're a deaf, dumb, and blind retarded quadrapalegic
orangutan from New Haven, Conneticutt." he responded, coughing up a live bird from the bowels of his gut with a tremendous burp.

Then Elvis fell down for some reason; presumably weakened by my miraculous powers of reasoning. Soon after, I metamorphasized from a deaf, dumb, and blind retarded quadrapalegic
orangutan from New Haven, Conneticutt to Hannibal Lectar from Silence of the Lambs.

I ate his liver with some beans and a nice ciente.



The Elvis Conspiricy part4
Follerman Defender of something or other

Elvis,king of all that is greasy and semi evil, is striking us on the home front! The other day he broke my two month old playstation by removing the ball bearings! He is everywhere,his crimes range from page ripping from your favorite books to planting bugs in your computer. Think, have you experianced unexplanable bad luck latly? There are places where Elvis dares not go, like Wal-Mart,bait shops,comic book stores,and most goverment installations. Elvis gains power when he goes to places like McDonalds,K-Mart,Jack in the box, and exercise buildings. To repell Elvis you need special items.Elvis repelling items inclued health food,tooth picks,and fast reliable computers. Even with these things Elvis may strike. Be causious as Elvis is using Al Gore as his puppet to take over the world. There is only one weapon powerful enogh to destroy Elvis,The Holy Handgreanade of Antioc! Till this ancient holy weapon can be aquired we must hold Elvis off at all costs! Before I go I must inform you that I must change my name to avoid Elvis`s mid-western hic mafia. From now on I am Mr. Napalm. To Elvis thats Mr. Napalm Sir!

Sincerly
Mr. Napalm

P.S.
Did you know that P.S. stands for post script?

P.P.S.
Who made that up anyway?

P.P.P.S.
Are you still reading these?

P.P.P.P.S. Never pet a burning dog.

P.P.P.P.P.S. It hurts.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Always where bright clothing when riding a bicycle at night.

This section was supposed to be filled with legal stuff but the post scripts took up to much space.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. This is the last post script I promise.



Elvis; Increadible, edible, the
Not Bill Clinton

Well it all started five days ago and some sort of time distoration warp rip thingy, and Elvis was on this toliet, see, when his future form plopped out and nearly landed on him. Well, Elvis jumped into the vortex and started being warped to places stranger than the majority of my sandwiches. Well, he went to the ancinet egyptian era and helped build the pyramid of rock and roll, but sadly, was destroyed by a time travling donna dummers. He said the sphinx wasn't sexy enough, but they didn't change it. Discourage, he went back even further in time where he met a small green dinosaur. Yup. It was YOshi. Elvis cried, "This is bleeping weird!" and jumped back into the vortex, where he traveled into the future. There, he was eating some dougnuts when he realized he had a bit of something on his chin. So he grabbed the nearest napkin and wiped it off, and to his horror, the smudge turned out to be the declaration of independace! Now quite scared, he invented the easy bake oven to make up for it. Then, he went a wee bit further into the future and ate a dodo bird, coughed, hacked, and then cried,"No wonder they're extict! Yeeck!". Broken hearted, he went to the Wonder Years Studio and he played the part of kevin for a week. Sadly, these episodes were burnt down when his easy bake oven overheated. Next, he paid a little visit to his good freind Bill Gates. And you know what? Bill Gates saw the vision of Microsoft after Elvis had thrown him out the window where he hurt not so long ago and deleted hamster dance and ate Freaks and his face, and that's how he became so ugly. Next, he accidently went to not so long ago and deleted hamster dance. He then preceded to eat Freaks and Geeks, and the Super Station (Mistaking it for the supper station) which is why Scooby Doo vanished. Then, he appeared behind me in the truck, put covered my eyes and said "guess who!". Well I thought maybe it uncle louey or fred or verny or jim, I probably would've kept on guessing but about that time I ran into a tree, and As I'm lying there bleeding, I see Elvis, who takes off his fake lips and tells me, "everything you know is wrong! Up is down, short is long, black is white, and cats are dogs. And everything you thought was just so important dosn't really matter, so forget the words and sing along!"
Well, you may find this unconceivable or at the very least unbeliveable, that the planets and the stars can be twisted so easily but let me give you my assurance that you'd have to be some kind of moron not realize everything is abosutly true! And then he died. The end. Do you know how I know all of this? Because I am YOshi! BREM BRO BREM BRO BREM BRO


Elvis thingamajigy
The Xenonerd

Elvis? I knew Elvis, he was a fishing buddy of mine, of course, in my day, we didn't call it fishing, we called it gulp plopping, and it wasn't called a fishing rod, but a stringy stick, as was the style at the time. I believe it was 1954, and everyone was worried about this politician in office who was ruining our country... I believe his name was Godzilla... anyhow, where was I? FISHING! That's right, we were talking about fishing. Bob Clampton, now there was a great fisherman, who were called stickerman at the time. He once caught a fifty pound largemouth bass and wrestled it to exhaustion in a boat no more than two meters long. Now that's what I call a man! Kids these days don't grow up to be men, with their internet and their rap music and all that hoo hash. In my day we didn't have computers, we had rocks, and we were glad to have them. Kids don't appreciate rocks these days. Ol' Billy Henderson had the most extensive rock collection on the block, they were sharp humdingers those rocks! FISHING! We were talking about fishing. Anyhow, the most important thing to remeber when fishing is to always make absolutely sure that you use proper bait. Fish do not eat elves. Anyhow, I hope I was helpful in your Elvis inquiry, I'm going to take a nap.



Elvis is under my kitchen sink!
Joel

It was so wierd. I was doing the dishes. Singing "Jailhouse Rock" to myself when he came flying out and said he would sue me for using his song without permission. He did it. I had to pay him in 35 million cans of spam and had to let him keep on living under my sink. I hope this doesn't get out to him because I can't afford what will happen next.


I am gonna find him again
Augusteena

I been lookin for Elvis for a long time. I was drivin with Billy Ray, well actually he was drivin cause I ain't got my drivers license. Any way we was goin down the raod an he drove right by us. I'd recognize hinm anywhere. I yelled so loud I almost scared Billy Ray to death. He almost hit a sign. Anyway did you know that the first Elvis sighting was right in Sanderson COunty, check it out at http://sandersoncounty.com/elvis.htm>
tell 'em Augusteena sent you



Abe or Elvis
Anonymous

well i was looking at a penny and i saw elvis on it or was it abe well i cant remember because i havent seen a penny in a long time the last one was on a street corner and since i live in a box on an ally and im on a libary computer i ned fud or foood however u sepell it whow the LSd Isj kikin INk ha ha hahasbk this is ah no sumo man on screen dont kill my kniggt ahhhhhhhhhhhh


Elvis in Venezuela
Lonnie Dale

I was in Venezuela helping with the disaster relief during the floods of 1999 when I saw Elvis. As we were flying a search and rescue mission in a US Army Blackhawk helicopter I couldn't help but notice the pilot was chowing on a Fried banana and peanut butter sandwitch, this really didn't faze me. What however got me very worried was when I noticed the pompador protruding from the front of his flight helmet. I knew that something wasn't right. Well we then noticed a group of refugees waiting to be picked up, so the pilot lower the chopper to pick up the waiting crowd, I then noticed to my utter dismay, someone was singing promessed land, and it was the king, next to him in the co-pilot seat was non other then Eric Cartman, from South Park (dun dun dunnnn). We loaded the people and left to drop them off at the Simon Bolivar airport. At the airport as the refugees were leaving the king started throwing white scarves to them, saying "Thank You Very Much" and walked away. All the while I was so amazed at what was happening I failed to take a picture of the King. The last thing I saw as the Helicopter pulled away on another mission was the King and a short fat round kid walkin' hand in hand toward the McDonalds across the street.


I ate Elvis
MOOGLE!

Yeah, I saw Elvis. A little Mini Elvis. He was in my cereal, froot loops I think it was, no, wait, it was cheerios. yeah, AppleJacks. I'm Pretty sure it was Wheaties. Well, I Accidently ate his life away... That's what Cereal it was! Life! I am soooo sure it was Frosted Flakes, or maybe it was Wheaties. Wait I said Wheaties. Well, Anyhoo, I was just Sittin' there, eaten my pop-tarts, when I heard the noise like a fat guy just jumped into some Orange Juice. I didn't pay much attention, but, I drank all my orange Juice. Then I commenced eating my Hat. After Breakfast was over, I decided to play some Playstation. Just then, I got a bad Case of Hiccups. These weren't ordinary Hiccups... The were...
Elvis-UPs!
Yeah, everytime I hiccuped, I could hear the King singing. My mom told me to stop singing, cuz' she hated Elvis. I just Hiccuped s'more. After a while, I had an odd urge to Barf, so I ran into the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach. I barfed up, and BAMMO! Elvis was floating in my Toilet! Well, that's all I hafta say.


"Burger" King
Hamster Bottom

I was hanging out with mu friends about lunch time. I got hungry and said "Hey, want to share a dog?" my friends refused, so we agreed to go to burger king where they slaughter weat.
When I got there I heard a dog barking, so I thought 'Hey, I can get a dog here' so I went pass a sign that said something like redfoos open, I don't know I can't read.
So i got to this door that had a sign "Restricted. Don't Enter. If you do, you shall be eaten alive by fierce ants" at least, i think it said that because thats what the sound recorded tape said.
Anyways, I walked in, and there was the king, "barking" out orders through his burger. I caught some orders like "Whopper" and "Big kid, like me."
So I, being completly stupid and still thinking he was a dog, went up and took a bite.
He screamed, but no one could hear because he had so much un-chewed food in his mouth.
I took another bite, but he was good, he sang some song, I think it was Stale Bread Sock. Any ways, the giant ant the door had warned of came in and ate elvis!
Then I jumped on his back and came out into the main place and all these girls surrounded me, kissing me for geting rid of Elvis.
O.K. the girl part was a lie.


P.S. I found out that Stale Bread Sock is really Jailhouse Rock.


Elvis Imprisoned!
Mariel, Worrier Princess

I was in Las Vegas when I came across a large stone that had been converted into a prison. Obviously the King was trying to send us a message in one of his songs that if he went missing that's where he'd be. See he was a CIA spy...no not that CIA..the Culinary Institute of America spy. And he stumbled onto the big conspiracy that Twinkie Fillings are NOT REAL CREAM!
Now that I've told you this they will be coming to hunt me down. So please, free me and the King from our captivity. Free us from the Prison in the Stone, write angry letters!
The Address is:

Jailhouse Rock
Las Vegas

Help Us Please!!

Mariel


Elvis a.ka. elvirus
Whats my name?

My friend is Elvis! I was talking to her when I said ELvis was a ball of lard. She got really mad and said bye. She wasn't really off cause her name was on the buddy list. I checked my mail and I had one that was from her. It said "I am not elvis" and then it had a picture below and the words "click here to go to my website :)" I clicked it and I got the message "Error: Drive/c: has been erased and replaced by Drive/elvis: and then a picture of a dancing elvis appeared! when I tried to open something it said Error: Elvis Virus has damsgd your stuff. And when I tried my RPG to run it did, but I was elvis! I was singing on one level when the text; Elvis is hungry and wants to go to the bathroom. So he automatically went to the bathroom and got flushed down the toilet and went scobba diving! He is hiding in the pipes! so remember, don't make fun of Elvis unless you have carefully and cautiously made sure he/she is not elvis.

P.S.: to destroy the virus, download an Elvis song onto your Computer. The lost drive won't be restored but thats fine because theres cool stuf in drive Elvis if you do that! like a game where your Elvis' pshcoligest, and blah blah blah, and blah blah blah....


THE END


Elvis shawutzamahoozen
The Xenonerd

E is for everyone who loved him
L is for the love that he had for them
V is for the valentine he sent me
I is for how indignified I was
S is for the stick I shoved in his eye

It's songs like that that get you right there, you know what I mean? Vote no on Elf abortions!


Elvis is under FBI Eyewitness protection
Fredrich von Beethoven the Third

Elvis is in the eyewitness protection program. His name is now Fredrich (said fredrick)von Beethoven the third he witnessed his own death and now the mafia is after him.He also stole twenty dollars from my sister and then gave it to me. His false identy is a circus midget that juggles flaming spoons. He also is a farmer in Michigan (he farms spoons) He was a cast member of a movie but had so much make up on he looked different.



Elvis noinwhootzafoozen
The Xenonerd

One magical Christmas morning Elvis jumped out of bed bright and extra early to get his presents. When he got downstairs he saw Santa Claus, just now getting ready to go back up the chimney. Since Elvis had seen Santa, Jolly Old Saint Nick decided to give him a special present to keep his mouth shut. He gave the bright eyed rock star a big red box wrapped up with a green ribbon and then snuck out the window with the stereo under his arm. When Elvis sat down and opened the present a jolly little elf popped out of the box. He did a little dance for Elvis, and sang a little song, and Elvis clapped and cheered the whole time as the elf did magical things and performed wondrous tricks. Near the end of his act the elf told Elvis that he would show him his best trick of all just for him. The elf went into the kitchen and gathered up various supplies-- twelve butcher knives, an eggbeater, and a very large blender...

Somewhere out there, Santa Claus laughed an evil laugh. No one is to see Santa Claus.

Elvis was never seen again. The elf was reported to have been seen going down the street kicking small dogs and calling them "Jim".


Elvis on the Internet
The Female Elvis

I was in this chat room and I was talking to one of my friends when all of a sudden it said "Elvis has left the chat room" I started laughing and fell backwards off of my chair! I know it was him pushing me off!!! I know it!!


E.C. Part5 "The Rogue Nun"
Follerman Defender of something or other

It was 1943 1/2 when Elvis decided that he needed more minions in his army of darkness and Bill Clinton was not yet born. He traveled around the world under the name "Iamnotelvis Reallyimeanit". He traveled around recruiting blondes, colon collecters, fish stick farmers, the tribe of toenail cannabels, and people named "Ethelbert". Still it wasn't enough for him. Thus the rogue nun project was created. Actually Elvis had an evil army sign up sheet and it signed on. By "it" the nun. I mean we don't know the gender of the nun. The nun was combined with several items to make it much more powerful. This includes: a can of oil, a scrabble set, tin foil, a retractable pen, a rusty nail, a rabid pair of boxer shorts, and some hedge wood logs. Well to make a long story (if possible) the nun attacked by base of operations and nearly destroyed it. However the nun was stopped by the Vlad the Impaler and Mauler (Vlad the Impaler the BattleBot not the human). The nun was captured in a cryrogenic cell. All was safe until Regis Philbin started saying "Is that your final answer?". This cracked the psionic defense system containing the nun and it escaped. There have been only sightings since....

P.S. Watch Battlebots, its cool.

P.P.S. Comedy Central 9:00pm central time tuesday nights.

P.P.P.S. Wax on, Wax off.

P.P.P.P.S. May you not be mouldy when you cover yourself in caster oil.


The Elvis Concert
Deepthroat

Yeah I saw Elvis. Back when I was still working as a PI. This dame walks into my office tellin' me she thinks I can find him. And I figure why not? I need the work, and I never like to turn down a broad. So she tells me where I can look for him, and I go to this concert in Anaheim where he's supposed to be making a surprise performance. And he comes out on stage lookin' like a punk rock Buddy Holly, and starts singin' "Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes" and he.. what's that? Elvis Presley? No I'm talking about Elvis Costello.. Oh yeah! Well same to you pal!


Elvis' Location
Dark Skell Angel


People i must confess.....I know where is Elvis.....Yes he lives and he dosnt lives in Las Vegas no no no! Actually this a stricly Top Secret american secret that I was told after drunking a few important Generals wich for there rank I shall not tell there names. Elvis is actually playing cards in the lost city of Atlantis and he is playing poker and chess with the Yeti,the Boggeyman (also knowed as the DiscoManiac) and BigFoot! And he's good at it...really! What you wish to know Antlantis' location? I'll tell you that another day...


The Mythical Elvis
Lady Angelyssa, Chronicaler of the Order of St. Fred, the Great and Mighty Invisible Gerbil

The Order of St. Fred is dedicated to saving the world from Evil PResidential Slug and his armies of demonic lemmings. The leaders of the Order were in a heated debate over what weapon to use against the Slug to stop his fiendish plan to unleash the CD of Doom (a truly mind destroying mix of Britney Spears, Elmo, and Barney). The outlaw Kira Odare favored Metallica. Or a good sharp sword, whichever was more convenient. Sir Scott of Swamp Castle wished to use Monty Python films and various other Good Movies. Lord Circle, Keeper of Marmots and Smurfs, and I were neutral. Eventually, it was decided that Lord Circle and I would accompany the loyal crew of the submarine HHG Dolphin-42 (think about it) to try to discover a new weakness in the Slug's defenses. We were deep in hostile territory, when we were attacked. The crew had used up their supply of cherry bomb torpedoes against the Evil Advisor to the Slug (aka Bill Gates), so we were defenseless. We fought as best we could, when the Slug brought out his most feared weapon... ELVIS! While most people misremember his music as good, it is the height of BAD, Bad, bad music. Nothing is more damaging to a member of the Order. Especially when it's live. The hip swiveling has proven fatal to more than one member of the Order. Fortunately, before the Dolphin-42 took enough damage to destroy us, Vlad the Impaler showed up. He's miffed at the Slug, and can't abide Elvis, so we were lucky (he's not that fond of the Order of St. Fred either). Vlad and Elvis were locked in mortal combat last time I saw them, off the coast of New Jersey. The members of the Order are still trying to find a way to circumvent the Slug's Elvis defenses.


I Just Ate Elvis!!
RPG Eternity

I still don't believe it! ::sob:: I opened a box of chocolates, and it started to sing. I thought it was just the TV, and I continued to eat some chocolates. By the time I got full I realized the singing had stopped! I looked down and there was no electronic doo-hicky that sang.... ::sniff:: By that time I knew either I was on an acid trip, or there really was singing. I looked at the flavor list and right where an empty wrapper was, was the flavor titled "Elvis" I ran into the other toom and looked in another chocolate box identical to the other, but no Elvis flavor! To this day I still wonder why he was in my chocolate box, but what bothers me more is that I just ate Elvis. Why he sang to the end, I'll never know. Although I do remember wondering why a chocolate tasted like chicken!


Your Mission: Destroy Elvis!!!!!!!!
The Maniac Cadet

I shall always remember the time I saw Elvis.I was walking with another cadet after drill practice, When this fat hobo appears from a nebula thingy.nasty blue shoes...suede?The hair, the ragged white suit....even though he was lookin' pretty bad, it was him!!! ELVIS!!!
So I walked to him and asked "Why ain't you dead?" He looked at me and gave an evil laugh and said"I'm only dead for a little bit. I just need a decent body to live in."Then he turned into a huge hound dog and ran toward me n' my friend while screaming something about donuts. We ran away, but it was too late. I was overcome by a strange desire to sing " Blue Suede Shoes" and eat a fried banana sandwich...
................TO BE CONTINUED.............



Elvis in my cornflakes
Stan Mc Man

Yes! Elvis in my cornflakes! I woke up, groggy as usual and poored a box of my favorite cereal, corn flakes. I then crunched into it and noticed a big toe in my mouth. I spit it out and I saw Elvis had been sitting on my kitchen table!!! It freaked me out! Yeah! I had to brush my teeth seventy times!!! By the time I got that disgusting taste out of my mouth he was gone! Of course it was around 2 PM when I got done... I might've been halucenating, but then again, seventy times! I wouldn't brush my teeth seventy times for an illusion!


Elvis is REALLY real!!!
Reganoldier

This is a true story about me, seeing elvis. This is a true story and yes this REALLY did happen. I am dead serious. Well, what happened was I was just coming out of the store after buying a few things. When i set my things on the ground to unlock my trunk. Then i set my things in the trunk, and got in the car and started driving home. When i was almost at my house... there he was. He was standing at my front door, just standing there. Then after a few seconds he turned at me and just was gone. If there is a real elvis today, this is it... no bs.


Elvis' secret career
Cap'n Spanky

At his age now Elvis is a geezer and last weekend at the WB he was kicked off the lot after his new show failed in the test ratings...it was called "The Adventures of Grandpa Man!", where the "King" Played a barely concious elderly man who looked out for crime from his rocking chair of justice, where instead of springing into justice he would simply fall over and gargle in a pool of his own drool, whenever evil would rear it's ugly head, the themesong which was a ripoff of the old Spiderman song didn't help matters

Grandpa man theme song Lyrics
Grandpa Man! Grandpa Man!
Doin' the things that a Grandpa can!
He sits there in his rocking chair
He wears depends instead of underwear
Lookout! here comes Grandpa man!!!!

Elvis now works at a hotdog stand outside Newark, NJ


I Don't Know
Korcha

Wouldn'tCHA know it, I saw Elvis just last week! He was at some kids birthday party dressed up like a mime. But I saw through all that make-up and dull clothing. Here the guy is, pretending he's in a glass box, but the guy can't keep from wigglin' his hips. "Can'tCHA stupid kids tell that's Elvis????" I scream. Some little punk kicks me in the knee. While I'm rolling around on the floor crying, the king leaves the building. That was the last I saw of the guy...



Elvis ate my brother!!!!
Fat Guy

Just last Friday I saw Elvis.He was eating a ham sandwich and I wanted to go and get his ham sandwich but my brother told me not too.
I listened to my brother and just started to walk by him.But then he started chasing me and my brother.We hid behind a tree and thought we had lost him finally.But when we sat down there he was!We tried to get away and he got so mad and even dropped his ham sandwich so he could run faster!After that we couldn't go any faster than him.He caught up with us and tackled my brother!I saw him start eating him and ran even faster.I got to my house and figured it was a dream the next morning.I never saw my brother agian afrer that.After five minutes of my brother not bugging me i figured that the whole thing must have happened.

THE END


I think I saw Elvis!
Iam Notelvis

Just 7 minutes ago I saw Elvis! He was playing MY gautar in MY HOUSE! I got out my gautar and it said Elvis on it! And then i looked at Elvis's gautar and on it it said Iam Notelvis on it! Then i said, "Elvis, give me back my gautar!". All he did was turn up his gautar. I had no idea how to get my gautar back. So I just started playing his for practice. He grabbed for his but his fingers missed by 1 inch. He stated sceamin'at me to give it back to him. So i just hit him over the head with his gautar and he just fell to the ground knocked out. I took him to the hospital and they asked for his name. I said it was Elvis but they just said,"oh yeah right.". I kept on sayin' he was Elvis but they kept on sayin "oh yeah right." After 4 hours he finally woke up and said he was Elvis! Now I told Elvis to give me my gautar back. He said he wanted his back first. After 4 more hours we both had our own gautars back. I looked at mine and it said Elvis on it! His said Iam Notelvis! I started chasing him for 3 minutes and then the next thing i knew was that he swung his gautar at me and it was all a dream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My gautar still says ELvis on it!


Elvis Was Blown to Smithereens!
XLII42

I was attaching a jumprope to my car with the other end to my pet cow, Moogleboy, just to see how far down the road we would get before Moogleboy would hit a mailbox. Just then, when I was revving up my car, Elvis appeared in front of the car! I stopped the car and he started speaking a mixture of Japanese and Portugese and I couldn't make out what he was saying. It must not have been good, because he started swinging a big hammer at me! I instinctively threw nearby objects, like rusty nails, pen tops, croissants, none of them worked! I then picked up a dead rat which exploded on contact. Elvis's dead body parts collected in a pile in the middle of the driveway. Then, I took off in the car dragging Moogleboy behing me, hitting Elvis along the way. We went ten miles before ol' Moogleboy hit a mailbox. Then I noticed that Elvis couldn't have spoken some horrid language, or swung gigantic hammers, so maybe Elvis is still out there, or stone dead.


Elvis is my friend jason
A fella' from New Zealand

I realized elvis was my friend jason, when my friend jason started to tell me he saw a wombat come out from a gold leaves covered tree and tell him he had the latest pc powerplay magazine. I then suddenly had a premonition that my friend jason was elvis, the i fought with him for control of the keyboard and he ended up on the floor. True story. You know 99.9% of people cant tell the difference?


Elvis flew through the air and exploded!
Superfly

Well ever since i joined the air force i have been looking for elvis because I like peanut butter bannana sandwiches and then i saw him in an airplane! i jumped into my f-15 and i got a radar lock then i accidently pressed the triger. my missile flew after him and the stupid dastard wuddent use his countermeasures so the missile hit him now the first time didn't kill him but i got so mad that a fired twenty missiles into his airplane. there was a mushroom cloud and my plane blew up and so did his and i got in a parachute and so did elvis because i saw him floating right next to me and i pulled out a knife and he got his guitar and he said he wasn't nothin' but a hound dog and he jumped at me and bit my neck and his teeth turned into fangs and he turned into a hound dog and then i cut his ear with my knife. And then he said that he was fat and he turned back into elvis and said that when he went to the movies he took up seven rows and that he was a clone now because he could be at home when he was out of town. He said that elvis wasn't really alive but that he was his mega-fat clone. Then he opened the time-warp portal in mid-air (which is very hard to do) and fell through the vortex and I chased after him with my gun. we ended up in the year 1300 AD and he had a picccle up his nose and when he ripped it out with a napkin he saw it was the magna carta and then he made a super gun just for fun and gave it to king Henry the 8th and he shot elvis while he was flying through the air.
I still think elvis is still alive but you just can't see him because he lives inside your eyes.
TRUE STORY


Elvismon?
Pikachu

Hi. I'm pikachu normally I can't talk but I can type. One time Misty,Brock and I (Ash was eaten by Charizard) were walking along when I got lost when I saw another Pikachu His face looked just like Elvis! I knew it MIGHT have been a ditto but it can only say "Elvichu" so I beat him in the head with a nearby stick until his head was open, ate the brains and tossed his body in a river.

P.S The brains tasted like Pikachow!

P.P.S I did the same thing to Misty and Brock

P.P.P.S I actually murdered Ash but I didn't want the police to know


Elvis is Backwards
Michael Lvsprttfgjkl

Elvis backwards is Sivle. Sivle sounds like Civil. Therefore, Elvis is currently working for a civil project. If he had been abducted, then he would have been working for the civil rights to accept green people. This is what this paragraph says backwards:

:Sdrawkcab syas hpargarap siht tahw si siht. Elpoep neerg tpecca ot sthgir livic eht rof gnikrow neeb evah dlouw eh neht, detcudba neeb dah eh fi. Tcejorp livic a rof gnikrow yltnerruc si Sivle, erofereht. Livic ekil sdnuos Elvis. Elvis si sfrawkcab Sivle.

The last paragraph, translated to English, means "We abducted him to test him on our newest experiment. We switched his brain wth a mouse. We sent the mouse back to earth, where it is still a star. To avoid confusion, we named the new Rock-and-Roll Mouse (or RARM) Mickey. Mickey Mouse is really Elvis. We still have Mickey in Elvis' body in our spacecraft. Have fun with our RARM!"

Therefore, Elvis is Mickey Mouse. Mickey backwards is Yekcim (a yak simulator) and Disney backwards is Yensid (the 14th president's 15th cousin 17 times removed.)


Elvis - Evil Warlord
Johnny Kuwaso

I was overseeing my regiment of Psionic trainees when a large boom shook the earth from over the horizon. I flew over and discovered that my arch-enemy, Tical, was attempting to blow up the Earth. We had a long and brutal battle, and eventually he retreated (unfortunately my 'bot-suit war machine was totaled, so I left also). When I got back to my base, it was under attack! Disco-ball mortars and slap-rays everywhere! After driving Ben away, I had my people repair the damage, but while I was working, something ominous loomed in the dark underworld of genetic mutations...
The next day, a squadron of scout troopers was decimated. None were injured, but their guns appeared to have been chewed apart, and they could do nothing but babble about dogs, jailhouses, and shoes. I had them confined to the psych rehab centre and sent an assault squadron to find the beast.
The video reports that I retrieved from the squad (similarly decimated) confirmed my worst fears - the beast was the legendary Elvis: King of Warlords. His massive bulk had repelled all of the antimatter shards fired at him (no mean feat!), and he was at least eight times the size of a normal man. I went after him personally in my ultimate 'bot-suit. He and the 'suit were of a height - a formidable beast indeed! I tried hitting him with a plasma thrower but he barely even increased the amount of sweat on his skin. He counterattacked by biting my 'suit's arm off. naturally this angered me, so I shot at him with a psychic lightning bolt. This was completely ineffectual - Elvis' blubber works as an insulator - and he retaliated by eating my 'bot-suit's other arm. Seeing that I was in trouble, I boosted into space, but with a great wiggle of his immense hips, he leaped after me! Apparently, he was so fat that he could withstand the cold of space, and he had a very large lung capacity. Desperate, I unleashed my mightiest weapon - the Apocalypse Cannon. A direct hit, and Elvis was stunned. I was appalled - that gun is meant to destroy planets! Eventually he spun into space to land on the planet where failed Warlords go and get bitten by Gene Simmons' possessed rear end. So, I went back to base and started hallucinating about flaming donkey teeth.

P.S.: I am now the operator of a borehole pressure-mine.

P.P.S.: I sell Golems cheap.

P.P.P.S.: Yes, I am insane, and I'm also available.

P.P.P.P.S.: I like to type long stories. It's therapeutic.

P.P.P.P.P.S.: If you have need of a used Pinto, you should be shot in the buttocks numerous times with a taser and punched in the groin by an angry monkey.

Aaaack hallucination... teeth...


I'm Elvis!
Elvis Presley

That's right!
I'm Elvis! I'm typing this as a plee for help! They have me at SPAM HQ
and they're going to make me an ingrediant! please help me! please!
What? No! I refuse to go in that blender! No! NOOOOOOO!!!!!


Elvis is my sister
Anonymoose

Yes it's true... Elvis (the undisputed king of rock and roll) is my sister. I'm not sure how it happened, but when "she" sings, "she" has a deeper voice than an 11 year old girl should have.
Thankyaverymany!


Kenny McKormic is Elvis!
I'm that guy.. you know... that guy from that one video game... ah, forget it.

No, really, hear me out! Haven't you noticed that Kenny never dies, even though we see him die over and over again? And Elvis died-- but we keep seeing him over and over again! But he just doesn't want you to know! He hid it by asking that one scientist guy from the Simpsons (Glavin!) to use his atomic-shrink-ray-thing-of-hongamabobs to shink him down to the size of an 8-year old! Now the press is repeatedly trying to kill him by putting him in a microwave, make him throw up his intestines, etc.. So LISTEN! South Park's Kenny McKormic is Elvis!


Elvis jingbiggellydiggle
The Xenonerd

Aaiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee! Elvis just stole my purse! Elvis just stole my purse! Someone stop that awful awful man! He said he was going to use it to brainwash all the chimpanzees and platipy and blue-footed boobies! That boy just never learned any manners! I warned you! Didn't I warn you? We should have frozen that lad in carbonite and given him to the angry chihuahuas when we had the chance! Oh no! He's back and he wants to take my shoes! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!


What Really Happened to Elvis!
Jeff "The Masked"

The Start of the Start

What really happened to Elvis you ask? Well, I happen to know. After drinking 19 gallons of Sprite and watching reruns of ALF, he felt that he better get some money for a Slurpee or a Big Gulp. He asked his friend Bob (who puts the little stickers on the bananas) where he could get money. Bob advised him to wear tight fitting panty hose made from the hairs of the bottom of his Aunt Sheely's armpits, stud them with gold painted rocks, and wear his hair as if a bird grabbed on and tried to run away with it. Elvis, not realizing it was a joke, set outside to find his new life. But as he was walking down the street mumbling in a tune because he STILL didn't have enough money to buy a Slurpee (the Strawberry kind, if you were wondering)he came across a Godzilla movie set. Still mad, he didn't realize he was
up on stage with Godzilla and had bumped into him. Their eyes met, rage could be seen inside both. Godzilla, being in the suite was too slow to hit Elvis. Elvis, meanwhile, had kicked Godzilla in the shins and punched off his mask, stealing his wallet. He went out to buy a guitar, thinking it was a dangerous weapon. He rushed back, accidently strumming it, and making the director of Godzilla became the leader of his career. That's how Elvis came about.


The Beginning of the End

After a couple of movies and many, many songs, (such as Hound Dog, when he was waiting for his hot dog to cook while he was unplugging the mustard bottle) he was getting really mad. Still he had no Slurpee and a Big Gulp. So one night, he bust into a 7-11, with a squrt gun and a black ski suite, demanding that he get as much Slurpees or Bug Gulps as he wanted. But the store keeper
threw Corn Nuts at him, ashamed, he ran away. Some say he killed himself. Some say he lives at the woods with Yoda. Others think they are him. Others just don't think at all. But the real truth is, he lives on the South Pole where the half mutated, rabid infested snow mites care for him. He has a knife in which he cuts up ice to make Slurpees.

That, my friends, is what REALLY happened to Elvis.


Elvis? In Curlers? In my ROOM?!?
~Shella~ o:)

This Summer,my family and I took a trip to Las Vegas. We had a great time, yadda yadda, and we stayed at the Luxor. On the second night...at about Midnight or so,(we had a suite, and my sister and I had the same room..which is the one with the main door...) there was a rapping noise on the door. I opened it...thinking it was Room Service or something, and to my shock, Elvis popped out (or shall I say in my room?) He was in pink curlers, and a bath robe! I screamed! And he told me to shut up, and he left. The next day, I saw him in his little white outfit with sequins in a yellow lambourgini.
So basically, that's my Elvis encounter.
Also, my summer course teacher is like IN LOVE with Elvis, so every day, If we did something good, we got an Elvis stamp. Since I go to a Private School, she even PRAYED for him!!! Just thought that may be intresting!


Elvis is a queen
Little Prince Victor

Elvis didn't die.....
He disappeared to marry the king of some unknown, obsure, European kingdom. He now lives by the name of Queen Evita.
The people of that kingdom (that is so obsure, it doesn't even have a name)don't see he is actually a guy....they're quit pleased with him;
He has less facial hear, and is much better looking than their previous queen.
Under is rull (the king a long since died) many changes has become the small country.. He changed the national anthem to "I like burgers" and every-one is supposed to wear, white, flamboyant clothes, just like he. And he has renamed the capital Elville.

Not much is know for the rest.
If some-one has anymore info....or actually lives in that country, please write!





Elvis Stole My Baby!!
Dancing Hobo

When his career ended he became a violent drunk that took my baby from my arms!! I chased after that bistro until he gave up and jumped onto the railway of the subway. the subway didn't come but some crookid cops beat him with their clubs. then I couldn't find my baby! their was panic!..panic!..panic in the air!! then i found my baby lying safly on the railway.


Elvis lives in my sock drawer
Double Cross

Every morning I wake up and take a shower, I then proceed to open my underwear drawer, and get some underwear for myself. Then, I open my pants drawer, and James Dean hands me my pants for the day. Then I open my closet door, and Frank Sinatra hands my a shirt to wear for the day. Marilyn Monroe lives behind the bathroom mirror, and styles my hair. Elvis hands me my socks when I open the drawer. Buddy Holly gives me my shoes from the front closet, and I head to school. This has been happening since I was very young, so I never thought there was anything strange about it until last night. My friend went to go in my sock drawer to get me some socks and he saw Elvis and flipped out. He got really scared. I told him it was alright, and I have a bunch of other famous dead people around the house. He said that's not what scared him, cuz he's got Tupac and Biggie in his washing machine. What scared him was that I owned a pink pair of socks. But then he told me that I shouldn't let too many other ppl know about these famous dead people, cause some people might think I'm crazy and stuff... but I know that it doesn't matter on this website, cause you're all a bunch of loonies, just like me.


I Still Don't Know
Korcha

I just finish my squirrel lessons, and I feel like watchin tv. So, here I am, watchin Becker. The midgets? They aren't the cause of Becker's anguish. Look closely out the windows behind Reggies. You
can plainly see Elvis' silhouette waving in the glass! I see the guy and I fall over, or maybe I fell over and saw the guy...
Yeah, that's it! I fell off the couch, hit my head, and saw Elvis!
The next morning, can'tCHA guess what I found on my front porch?
Blue suede Shoes! I let out a blood-curdling howl of terror and run toward the graveyard for no apparent reason. There, again, I find a shadow of Elvis. Startled, I collapse and fall face forward to face...
my tombstone! Okay, it wasn't actually my tombstone, but it sure could have been! Suddenly, I hear the haunting chant of, "Unh-huh," echoing
through the graveyard! "For the love of Spanish Gerbils!" I cry. "Why is this happening?!" Then, I wake up to find that I had missed Becker.
"Was it... all a dream?" I manage to choke out. Taking care of the abrasion on my head, I realized that pants were a way of life. They are... good. My Elvis-infeste world spinning, I'm lift wondering, "Where did she get those huge pants?"

The world may never know...


It Would Be So Cool if This Were True!
DragonPrincess

I personally know Elvis. He is one of my better friends. He's not my best friend because my best friend is bigfoot. The three of us enjoy having picnics in the park. You'll never see us though because my friend the Invisible Man makes us invisible before we go. He managed to keep the formula from messing with people's minds, too. Elvis has lost weight recently, so even if you could see him, you probably wouldn't realize it. The best part about having these friends is that they can make appearances and autographs for me to make gazillions of dollars. Right now I am broke though.
Now for the true portion:No, I have nothing better to do with my time. Yes, I enjoyed writing this. Actually, I am not broke. And finally, I hope all you other people enjoy reading this, but you probably won't anyway.


Elvis Is Vlad the Impaler!
Bob Dole the Impaler

I am Bob Dole the Impaler. In case you didn't know, I did run for president, but I was lost horribly due to the efforts of the anti-vampire league, but that's a different story.

Anyway, when I was at the local vampire headquarters, I saw a strange, fat vampire who looked remarkably like the king. When I asked one of my buddies who he was, he said that it was a special guest, the greatest and most well known vampire ever, Vlad the Impaler! I was shocked and amazed. Then, suddenly he jumped up on stage, opened his fanged mouth, and began to sing "YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUND DOG!" In case you didn't know, all vampires come from Transylvania, and we loyally listen to ONLY classical music. This led to Vlad (or Elvis, as you know him) being ferociously leaped upon by every vampire in the room and dismembered. Therefore, a more appropriate title would be "Elvis WAS Vlad the Impaler!" But whatever.


Elvis in Oregon
Anonymous

A while ago, a family moved in across the street. We didn't think much of it. But then, one night, we heard singing across the street. The fther of the family was singing. It was ten my mom noticed he resembles Elvis, for he had a similar haircut, and began singing and dancing alng with Elvis music. We even called him Elvis, andhe perfers it over his real name.
PS:He and his kids are membrs of the Pink Speedo Mafia.


Elvis is actually an Iraqi pilot
Captain ----- ( because I don't want anyone to know)

Yes it is true. This is Captain Nickoles Binkey (I want to keep my real name secret). I was performing normal patrol in my Grumman F-14A Tomcat. Then it hit me. An Iraqi plane had indeed entered the area and was at full speed towards the fleet. I radioed to the fleet that there were enemy planes heading towards them. Me and my wingmen armed our Aim-54 Phoenix missles. He was within 60 miles. Our Phoenix have a range of 50 miles. But then we got a radio call from the carrier. "Captain, there was a slight accident. It seems that you were NOT armed with your Phoenix's." "What?!" We yelled back. All we had was our guns. I radioed "Well, this is now going to be one of those old WWII fighter seens". As I was just finishing. He flew by. "My god it's Elvis!" We chased him. Finally, I managed to pump 40 rounds into his tail pipe. It exploded, like a magazine (gun powder, ect...) being hit by a bomb. We cleared and saw him float down like a thin slice of paper. Well that was strange. It seems made up, but it isn't. Scince then, my fleet has been chasing after him. The one they call Elvis.


Elvis is an ally with the Claw
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

This is Ace Ventura. Latley me and my boss monkey man have been tracking a loser Animal Hater. Yes, it Elvis himself. He has sided with the claw and odorah (a STINKY perfume maker) to capture and destroy animals! He has also sided with a man who can break through an army, infiltrate security, break through laser sensers, bust through glass, steal a 2,000 pound sea cow, and escape. One word. La-huse-a-her (Loser). He is still at large and I am giving a 20,000 spank you reward. Ok now, Bye Bye then.


I saw Elzilla!
Charizard (with Pikachu and Bulbasaur)

Hi. This is Charizard. (SHUT UP PIKACHU!!) Oh. Now where were we. Oh, yes. Me, Pikachu, and Bulbasaur were walking through the city. We had been looking for Ash (Who we later found in the bedroom with the lights off in the afternoon), who had dissaperd (Ok, I got bad tying). We found Brock and Tracy, who was also looking for him and Misty (What a coincidence...). Suddenly we walked into... Elzilla (Short for Elvis+ Godzilla). We ran into the hotel we started in. He shrunk and followed us all around the hotel. One of the occupants poped out of his room and blasted him into oblivian (It was an Imperial Stormtrooper). We tried to open the door, but it was locked. We knocked and saw the lights were off, altough we heard someone inside. To make a long story short, I saw an Elvis monster. This is true. As true as as Squirtle shoots water!!


We Destroyed Elvis!
The Arkin Invaders

This is a transmission from the planet Irk. Yes, we are the Arkin invaders. We were sending one our ships to destroy the planet of the comfy couches. When suudenly a strange figure appeared outside of the armada. He was huge! While listening to Inavder Zim's transmission, we learned that the figure outside was Elvis! Yes, Elvis Presley himself. We sent out our figters and opened fire. But the a strange craft swooped by and launched 2 warheads (Its wings were shaped like an X). It blew up (Elvis) and it became a smaller one! It dissapered an we then destroyed the planet of the comfy couches! We our now coming to destroy Earth! I hope you evacuate, NOW!

Signed,
The Arkin Invaders
P.S. Elvis is also coming!
P.P.S We are not nice!
P.P.P.S Neither is Elvis!
P.P.P.P.S. End of transmission





Elvis is destroying Heaven!
Ex- Admiral Brett

This is Admiral of the 5 sunken fleet. True, I'm in heaven, but I must tell you, Elvis is an invader from Heck. He destroyed half of "I'm in Heaven Dr." Yes, he did. He also burned our crops, poisened our water supply, and intoxiced our pets (he made them drunk). He is also wanted for robbing the "hound dog" hot dog stand, beat the guy in a pikachu suit, and stole cookies from the first National Grandma bank (It hods cookies). He is a menace! He must be stopped at al costs. Wait... He has also shoplifted the C.D. store, destroyed our prize cow and ate it, and then burned all of the Hamster Republic maps, culturegrams, and books. True, I did see him, he was runnig out of the CD store with all the records in his arms. I need you t catc him!

P.S He is the one who sunk my fleet!!


Elvis Lives Within My Dog
Red Squad Leader #76

It is true. My dogs soul and mind has been replaced by Elvis'. While I arise from my midnight slumber to fetch a glass of water I hear " I ain't nottin but a hound dog!!!" being howled out my window. Also, he refuses to eat dog food and demands room service. And finally, his wardrobe of fluffy sweaters knited by my grandmother has changed to professionally tailered, custom fitted jeweled bellbottoms and vests. I beleive this is all the proof you need to see that Elvis lives within my mangy fleabag mutt they used to call my dog.


Lunch time for Elvis
Esquire 2K1

We all know, or at least think we know, that Elvis died. What you probably don't realize is that he's actually still alive! You see, back in the 60s, Elvis staged his own death because he was tired of people making fun of him and his fat ass. Thus, everyone thinks The King is dead. You may ask how I know Elvis is still alive, especially if it IS true that he staged his death. Well, I'll tell you.

I was talking to my best friend Scott in lunch period, when all of a sudden, we heard a loud booming sound like thunder coming from outside. Every second, it got louder. As the sound got closer, I realized it wasn't thunder, but rather, singing. Whoever, or whatever, was singing, it was an Elvis song; "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog."

After five minutes, something really fat came into view on the horizon. Turns out it was Elvis. After so many years, he had gotten fat to the point of ridiculousness. That was when he changed the words of his song. Instead of "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog," he was singing, "I ain't nothin' but a fat hound." He then transformed into an extremely overweight dog and began chasing after Scott. I watched in horror as the fat werewolf-like creature made dog chow out of everything Scott owned. Afraid he might become the second course, Scott started running. Elvis transformed back to his usual form and began chasing both of us.

After ten minutes, Elvis ran out of breath. Scott and I stopped running and saw Elvis eating a teacher. He then resumed the chase, transforming back into a dog to gain even more speed. Suddenly, the principal appeared in the hallway and threw a bomb in Elvis' direction. Elvis, thinking it was a blackberry, ate it. He didn't die, but he did run away and we never saw him again. And that, my friends, proves The King lives, even if he IS fatter than ever!!


Elvis is leading Heck's military!!!
Cuddles the fiercesome warrior

One day I was sitting in my chair watching Tv as usual, when suddenly and without warning, a resounding explosion rocked me to the floor. I got up and went to see what the commotion was all about.
There in my front lawn was a carrage as black as midnight, and the cows that pulled it breathed smoke and fire from there nostrils. The hamster coachman whipped the cows to a halt. Then, the carriage door burst open, and among the minor key organ music and billowing clouds of smoke, I heard a dreadful wail of "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!" and out sprang the King himself.
The King of Rock'n'Roll (and the underworld) began casting bolts of heckfire and lightning everywhere. I realized that I would have to stop this menace before it was too late!
Then, all over the town, more explosions began to resound. From seemingly nowhere marched the military forces of heck. Armed with spears, swords, guns, nukes, h-bombs, and every other weapon of mass destruction, the evil army marched on to take over the world. I soon felt that it was hopeless o do anything but surrender as I saw the breathtaking size of the King's army. Marching to the tune of "Love me tender" they headed off in the direction of washington.
Before they were out of hearing range, I had a desperate idea. I ran into my house, and put on the AM radio. Classical music began blaring out of my house. With heckish howls and screams, the minions of the King, and even Elvis himself began wailing with pain as they covered their ears to try and block out the torturous symphony.
Before long, the King ordered heck's military back to the pits of fire from whence they came. I then vowed never again to say that classical music was crummy!
But sometimes, on stormy, extra-dark nights, I can sometimes barely hear a resounding "Hound dog!" coming from beneath the ground. But I'm not afraid: I just switch on the AM and go back to sleep.



The Epic Battle for The World: Bob VS.Elvis
Anonymous

What a peaceful day it was. Bob was walking down the street humming the tunes of Willie Nelson.( Before the human shell known as Willie Nelson went crazy and attacked the nearest Denny's demanding grapefruit while chewing a piece of bacon he found in the trash. But,
thats not important.) As Bob made his way down 5th street a huge explosion rocked the city. Elvis was using his massave cheese burger filled gut to destroy buildings."Damn you!" cried Bob as he flew into action throwing a barrage of sunflower seeds at him , but to no avail,Elvis swallowed them hole."Curse you Elvis!!"Screeched Bob.
His atacks wouldn't work.Bob knew there was only 1 way to defeat the king of rock & roll."If you'll kill yourself,"said Bob,"i'll give you a burger!" "How could I pass up that offer!?"said The King. He removed a knife , hidden in his cavernous belly button and stabbed himself silly.Victory! The King was dead! Bob know rules!And thats the last anyone ever heard of Elvis.


Elvis is my goldfish.
Lord of goldfishes

I am a bit concerened about my goldfish, He was born to the great Gold Empire as a prince but on his tenth birthday I got a palace
for him (a gold fish castle)and the night i gave itto him he started spending a lot of time in it. sometimes I could not sleep Because i heard music coming from the goldfish bowl and when i looked through the window there was Elvis(in fish form)... BUM BUM BUUUUUM


Elvis has possessed my Principal!
Helium Hamster

One day, me and my friends were in class, when all of the sudden the principal ran in. Only he didn't look like the principal. he looked like Elvis! I'm not kidding! He had gained nearly 200 pounds and was wearing the usual Elvis getup. He opened his mouth and started singing " YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HOUND DOG!". As he sang, everyone around me went into spasms hearing his voice. Thinking quickly, I grabbed a *Nsync CD from a girl's backpack, jammed it in the stereo, and hit play. As the CD played, elvis yelled "NO, I'm MELTING!" and melted lie the wicked witch did in the wizard of oz. And that's the whole truth!


This is all true. Really!
Cuddles the fiercesome warrior

Once I was walking down the street as usual, when I saw these bank robbers. I ran up and said "Drop those guns you fools! You could hurt someone!" But they just laughed and pointed them at me! Then I got mad. REALLY REALLY MAD! My hair turned gold and my eyes turned green. I discovered that I could fly. I then fried one of the robbers with my energy vision. I punched a hole right through another one! Then the leader stepped up and said "Why don't you try me out for size?" I charged him, and I tried to kick him, but I missed. He hit me really hard, and I almost died, but then I cut his arm off with my energy sword(did I mention my energy sword?). Before I could do anything he jumped at me and regenrated his arm. I smashed his head into the wall, stunning him. "Where's the princess and Mario?" I demanded. "You'll never see them. BECAUSE I HAVE YET TO SHOW YOU MY TRUE POWER!" Then, through some miraculous process, he turned back into elvis and tried to knock my block off with my own energy sword(did I mention my energy sword?)! I dodged it and grabbed my sword(energy sword, did I mention?) and ran him through. Unfortunately, my energy sword(Did i mention it?) had no effect, only raised his power level to 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999!!! Then I knew that the kingdom of Hyrule was doomed for good, unless I could use the Power of the One Ring to get back the Golden Bananas, which would give me the power to resurrect Imhotep and battle Elvis. I grabbed my teleportation device(did I mention my teleportation device?) and warped back to start. But as luck would have it, my next chance card told me not to pass Go and find any Fire-type Pokemon in my deck. Easily finding a Charizard and slipping it up my shirt, I left the Roman Colisseum to travel to the White House and fight King Dedede. But Elvis was on my tail, and I was forced to detour through a Russian bunker, where I used my ninja techniques(did I mention my ninja techniques?) to retrieve the Crystal Coconut from the clutches of Boris Badanoff. I then recruited the help of one Kirby. Together, we finally made it to Kansas, where we battled the mystical Dwarf King for control of Camelot. Winning the day, we immediatly sent out all of my fighter jet(did I mention my squad of fighter jets?) towards Elvis's hideout inside of Sasuke's subconsious. After taking over Impact's ming and using him to take control of Skeletor's minions, Kirby and I killed Conan the Barbarion and saved the world from the iron clutches of Puff the Magic Dragon. Then our toughest opponent yet stepped forth: BARNEY!!! Using his evil hugs and acid singing, he almost kille both of us, but we killed hi in the end, using the power of the Triforce. Then we were summoned by the Black Dragon King to duel. THe stakes: The crystal crown, an iten that raised someone's power level by 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999! 999 less than Elvis. If we could get that, we would have a chance against Elvis's evil. But the Black Dragon King flushed Kirby down the toilet, and I thought that I would never see my pink little friend again. Consumed with rage, I became a magical Dragoon and ran the Dragon through, winning the Crystal Crown. With my power level at such a high number, I set out to confront Elvis. On the way, I assassinated all bananas, and helped the mysterious Villiage of Little Chinese Hamsters to free themselves from the rule of Bowser and his cow minions. Finally, I confronted Elvis on the Dimension of loneliness. He once again tried to kill me, but this time, he pinned me to the ground nd belched in my face, then began to scream YOU AINT NOTHIN BUT A HOUND DOG! into my ears, disorienting me and causing me to drop the Book of the Dead. Grabbing it, I resurrected Imhotep, and genetically combined it with the Charizard up my sleeve, forming the Mummified Fire Dragon Wizard. This monster attacked Elvis, but he burped his deadly burger breath all over it, and it died. I saw then that everything was hopeless. But I summoned Major Bison, who assaulted him while I though up the proper spell to use. Finally I gathered all of my energy and began to chant.
"NAR...NEE....NARRR.......NEEEEEE.........NAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

Suddenly, Kirby shot out of my hands and latched onto Elvis's head. Stepping over the now dead Major Bison, I raised the holy Hamster's Staff(Did I mention my Holy Hamster's Staff?) and plunged it into Elvis's chest, casting him into the Home For Infinite Losers, where he rightfully belonged! But, I have reason to believe that Elvis has taken up residence in Heck, where he leads its military. But that is a whole other story!



Elvis stole my orange juice
Duh Aphid

One day I saw Elvis drinking my orange juice in the attic. I said "hey, that is my orange juice". He just kept chewing on the empty orange juice carton. "what happened to my orange juice" I said. Then he walked down stairs and started to make a jacko lantern out of a banana or something. I was getting mad because the jacko lantern looked dumb. I think it will get squishy if he keeps cutting the brains out. I said "Where is my orange juice"
Then Elvis responded " I don't think so"
"If you say so" Then Regis Philman asked me if I wanted to use a life line and I replied "I'll ask the audience" The audience said the answer was orange juice so Elvis decided to go home and I never got my orange juice.


Elvis at the gas station.
Cuddles the fiercesome Warrior, Goten the Impaler, Goku the undead, and Moo the Mooer.

One day, I was at the gas pump, pumping up my Impaler, dancha know, and Cuddles was busy doing practice with his Holy Hamster's Staff. He saved the world from Elvis, doncha know. Goku the Undead was busy creating a parralel universe to smash Earth and destroy it(ya know, the usual.) I finished filling up my electric Super-Impaler 500v5.0, when we all heard a resounding crash and a lot of meowing. It was Elvis and his super-ma-tronic mega-car, and he was filling it up with diesel fuel. In it were fifteen hound dogs, and they were nothing but them. Then Elvis saw Cuddles, he said."AHHHHHHH! Get it away from me!" He was pointing at Cuddle's Holy Hamster's Staff, which he used to defeat Elvis in the previous adventure. Then in a puff of fiery smoke, Moo the Mooer arrived and landed on Elvis's head. The houn-dogs started barking their ravenous meow.

Hi. Cuddles here. Where were we? Oh, yeah, Elvis. So i used my ninja techniques(did I mention my ninja techniques?) to rush up to Elvis and stab him 262,000 times with a butter knife.(did i mention my butter knife?) That, according to the legend, turned him into twenty-five Floridian Penguins, Which all began to sing "Love me tender." Then all of the hound dogs turned into cats and began to bark loudly and tenderly. "This is to wierd." I said, and prepared to kill him with my energy sword(did I mention my energy sword?) now over to you, goka.

Goku here. Don't wanna talk. Say sometin', Moo.


Moo da Mooer heah. After I squirted my rancid milk at him, Cuddles stabbed him with his energy sword(did he mention his energy sword?) and elvis's head turned into a Floridian Penguin. It jumped at Goku. Join us next time, y'all, for da exitin' adventahs of Cuddles, Goten, Goku, and da Mooah, das me!


Elvis is a rabid cow!
Cuddly li'l Dragoon

One day I was walking down the road when there was a stampede of chhuahuas holding torches and span cans. They were chanting: We want Elvis dead! We want Elvis dead!" I said "You fools! Elvis died years ago!" "No he didn't!" they replied. "He's been reincarnated as a rabid cow and is brainwashing all of the hamsters in south america. "NOT THE SOUTH AMERICAN HAMSTERS!" I cried and rallied all of the Floridian penguins. Together, we marched to south america and found that Elvis had brainwashed all of the hamster into working on production lines maing peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Sure enough, there was a rabid cow with the white coat, the slick black hair, the whole 9 yards. I grabbed a Floridian penguin and jammed it down Elvis's throat, then I shot him with a silver bullet. THE END.


Elvis has Ruined My Film
Misteroo

The other day, while I was at work, there was this weird sound that kind of rocked through the building. I checked the next room to see that Elvis was running around the room wearing a pink dress and carrying a slice of pepperoni pizza in each hand, screaming out "HEARTBREAK HOTEL! YEAH!!" a few times before a shark emerged from the carpetting and crowned him the king of Canada. After that, there was a brief moment of peace, but then I went back to work to see that--OH NO!--the camera film had failed instantly! Elvis!! You shall pay for this!!


my poor lost hamster
a very sad little girl :-(

It is hard for me to write this, but I feel that little kids all over the world should know this. Elvis is EVIL!!!!! I once had a hamster, her name was peaches. She died of unknown causes......though I really know the truth of it. It was Elvis...ALL ELVIS. One night I was starting to falling asleep, but was then starlted by the very own sound of my hamster. It sheirked. I looked up over to its cage, but since it was too dark, I could not see anything, and started falling asleep to this beautiful song.....It was familar, but very faint, I was to tired to realize no radio, or anything of the sort was on. I herd the faint words, "Hunk a hunk burning love!" Which was repeated several times before falling fast asleep. The next morning I awoke, remembering the noise that I had herd coming from my hamsters cage the night before. I slowly got up and walked up over to it. I was shocked to find greasy hair gel all over the place, though realize I had not looked into my hamsters cage yet. Then, next to the gunky slime, I found a brush, and an old black and white photo of elvis. I ran over the rest of the way twards my hamsters cage. When I reached its cage I shrieked loudly, only to find a big bite taken out of my hamster. Then next to it was a note saying I owe you 1 hamster.
*signed...."Thank you very much!---Elvis!*
I'm sorry I can't continue, I'm too sad, and disoriantated...................good-bye....NOOOOO!! Peaches, I'll always love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE ELVIS!!!!!!!


Elvis is Denjii O_O
Agent K of the KORH (killers of rabid hampsters)

Okay, folks. Here is Agent K once again, and I have startling news fer all of those opposed to the hamster uprising. Denjii, the horrible, treacherous(and ugly little bugger), tyrantly leader of the hamsters is Elvis!! O_o I saw it with my own eyes. I was on one of my spying missions when I saw Denjii take off his own head! The head must of been a clever disguise, for under it, was Elvis!! O_o It got worse when he turned to the window I was looking in and saw me. He screamed like a little girl and called all his minions after me, including Vlad, vice president of the hamsters. I ran fer my life, but I was quickly closed in by the hamsters. They surrounded me, and all pounced on me at once. I escaped off course, with the help of the back-up I called for, including Agent M, X, C, and W, but sadly we couldn't save Agent C when he was taken down by the hamsters and Vlad. So now, we're all safely back at HQ, but they locked me into this little dark room and they're conducting experiments on me. It could be because of this bite on my arm. It itches like crazy and I'm getting horrible urges to chew on wood. I chewed up an entire table the other day. I wonder what's the matter. O_O they're standing behind that tinted glass, and they're watching me, they know something I don't know. I wonder what it is. Well, dat's all fer now, I'm gonna go back to gnawing on this chair leg. buh-bye


I AM TALKING TO ELVIS ON THE INTERNET!!!
Speshal Freak

DaKingOfAll: Hello I am Elvis
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Hi I'm speshal
DaKingOfAll: No I'm frickin serious, I'm Elvis
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Yeah, I'm freakin serious too, I'm speshal
DaKingOfAll: Well that's nice but I am DA KING!!!!!
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Dont forget of all
DaKingOfAll: You don't get it do you?
SpeshalFreak4Eva: No I get it, you are some self-centered jerk with WAAAAY too much self-esteem!
DaKingOfAll: AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! NO I AM THE KING OF ROCK AND ROLL!!! DONT YOU GET IT?!?!?!?!?
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Ooooh... you must be Elvis then
DaKingOfAll: YES!!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Right...you're Elvis...;)
DaKingOfAll: ARRGHH!
SpeshalFreak4Eva: Okay, okay, let's just settle this like adults (even though I can pass for 6...)
ERROR: Last message was not recieved by DaKingOfAll because of error: DaKingOfAll is not available.


whatinthedangbloodyheck?!
klingonbobofthewierdfireintexas(hamster)

(ringing of the phone)
"Hello?"
"Love me, tender........"

The above is the thing that happened to a frriend of mine during her vacation. She didn't know what it meant untill she got home. "omygosh! Where are my pants?" You see, she was in the Elvis Zone. I don't know what that is, but doesn't it sound cool? Anyhow she looked out the window and saw something strange. It was some wierd guy wearing a wierd white glittery suit. He seemed to be singing something about a hound dog. He had her pants. That's why I was called. I am the Elvinator.
(cheesey theme music)
Here I am holding a wierd rifle. I am waiting for Elvis to fall into several traps that I have made for him. Most of them involve hamsters in some way. As soon as he is lured, I will bring in my assistants, Wierd Al and Cyrix the Mad Munchin' Hamster. If he should survive these harbingors of doom, I will obliterate him with my secret weapon.
(threatening music)
Look, here he comes. Al has reached him. "Oh no! ohno! It can't be! Al! Boo got shot! Boo got shot!!! NOOOOOO!!! He has failed to recover the pants! He'll get caught by the........."
(The above text has a too long explination. We will continue)
There is Cyrix. What? Elvis has adjusted his glitter beam beam so that the hamster is instantly knocked out cold? This just isn't fair!
I must use all my techniques on him now. "Haha," said Elvis. "I bet you didn't know that Al was on my side! You will fail!" "Not so."
I am now using my tractor beam to get my friend's pants back. Elvis will not win. "You may have defeated me now, but you can't kill me!"
Elvis has left the building. I am now restoring Cyrix so that this fightin' hamster will get the job done.
(six hours later)
My Hamster is now in its cage, nibbling on a red piece of suade that is supposed to be blue. Cyrix had failed to kill Elvis, but at least I have another piece to add to the mosaic of stuff I get from my victims. I am nearly finished.
Another sucessful day in the buisness.
(more cheesey music)
By the way, if you ever need me, the Elvinator, contact me at this address: www.notarealemailaddress.com
And remember, I get alot more spooks besides Elvis. You name it, I find it.


Elvis is Jim Nabors!
Chaz5000

The other day I was in a local throift store, when an Elvis song came on. After listening to it for a moment, I realized he sounded just like Jim Nabors when Jim sang "Bridge over Troubled Waters".
After pondering this for a moment, I confronted my mother about what _REALLY_ happened to Elvis. She frogged mew on the shoulder and said I was hallucinating, but maybe, just maybe, elvis _IS_ still alive...


Where's Elvis? Ask Bill! (part two)
Juni's sister

(Our hero, Juni, tried to rescue Elvis from his fate of being Bill Gates's paperweight. She failed, and has been thrown in Vlad the Impaler's cage)
Vlad: Yum, yum! Eat 'em up, eat 'em up!
Juni: I may be gone now, but watch out for my big sister! (dies)
Bill: Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, now I have Elvis's Blue Suede Sword he's been hiding from me all these years! I can never be defeated now!
Elvis: Not if I do something about it!
(Elvis uses his hound power to send the Blue Suede Sword to a faraway place.)
Bill: Dang! You know, You're starting to get a little troublesome. Mybe you'd like to meet Vlad as well, Elvis.
Elvis: Please no! I'll be good, I promise!
Bill: Well, O.K., I'll let you live.

The above is what happened to my sister, Juni. I am Juli, her twin, and I am building up my forces and power to go fight Bill Gates, the evil monopoly man. But first, I must find Elvis's Blue Suede Sword. It's the only way to defeat Bill. I am hiring some mercenaries to help me. Soon I shall meet Bill and avenge my sister! It will be my greatest battle ever!


Where's Elvis? Ask Bill!
Juni's sister

Elvis: Please help! I've been trapped in this jar! Lemme out! Please let me out!
Bill Gates: Shut up! No one will hear you. I've made sure of that!
(alarm beeps)
Time to feed you!
(Bill unscrews the jar and puts in some pellets)
Elvis: Can I at least eat something besides pellets? Only hamsters eat these!
Bill: No! Now shut up!
Security system: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!
Bill: Rats. I was just about to play some golf too.
(enter Juni)
Juni: Bill Gates? I knew you had Elvis! I knew it! But why? Why did you put him in a jar on your desk?
Bill: He made a good paperweight.
Juni: You're sick! Don't worry Elvis! I'll save you!
Al: I don't think so!
(Bill and Juni fight. Juni pulls out her Hamsterblade, but it's no use against Bill's modem of doom. Then she uses her destruction farce to zap it away, but it doesn't work)
Elvis: Here! Take my powerful Blue Suede Sword! It's the only thing that can stop him!
(An overpowering light shines in the room. Suddenly a huge sword appears out of nowhere and falls into Juni's hands. She takes it and resumes the fight between her and Bill. Bill's modem is knocked out of his hand)
Bill: You think you have won, don't you? Even yet, I am the winner! HAHAHAHAA!!
Elvis: No! Use my Super sword attack!
(Too late. The sword falls out of Juni's hand as she is thrown too the back of the room.)
Bill: hmmm? What should be her fate? I know! I'l put her in Vlad the Impaler's cage! That should do the trick!
(Bill picks up Juni and throws her in Vlad's cage.)
Juni: Nooooooooo!!! (Screams)
-----To Be Continued-----



The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword:Part four
Juli

(After several days of fighting Bill Gates's evil henchmen, our heros have finally made it to Mount Rock. However, tension is rising up)
Danny:WE'RE HERE!!
Sir Streetsmart:The quest is ending, and soon we'll be sending.....
Helena:Shut up! I'm sick of your stupid poems!
Vladina:Aw, c'mon. You know they're cute.
Helena:And I'm sick of you!
Danny:GIVE PEACE A CHANCE, YA'LL.
Jordon:Stupid dork.....!
Juli:Hey! Let's not lose sight of the goal now that we're so close. We have to save Elvis.
Vladina:Let's check on him.(picks up the Houndstone)
Elvis:I'm O.K., but look out behind you!
(Several Windowmen pop out from nowhere. The team gets their weapons and fights)
Jordon:Juli! I see the sword!
Juli:I'll get it!
(as the others fight, Juli runs toward the sword. She picks it up. It gives out a shining gleam.)
Helena:Hurry Juli! Even me, as a hamster, can't last long!
(Juli hurries over with the sword. The Windowmen see it and flee.)
Elvis:Now I can feel my power rising! I'll warp you to my position.
(In a flash, our heros land in Bill's estate)
Elvis:Now hurry! Defeat Bill and get me out of this jar!
-----To Be Continued-----


The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword: Part Three
Juli

(Our heros have landed on BananaSandwich Island)
Hamster Helena:I thought that we would have good battles on this trip, but I've never been more bored in my life! It's too easy.
Sir Streetsmart:What Helena says is true. I thought it would be fun to go with you. But what have we done? Where is the fun? I thought this would be better too.
Juli:Relax. I'm sure something will happen.
(strange sounds)
Jordon:See? There comes the adventure now.
Elvis(through the Houndstone):Ohmygosh! It's Bill's evil Windowmen!
Danny:OHNO! HERE THEY COME!
(The team fights the Windowmen)
Danny:THIS ISN'T WORKING! I'LL CALL THE LINUX PENGUINS!
(Danny makes a funny noise. The penguins come help fight. Slowly, the Windowmen are defeated. The penguins leave.)
Helena:Hey! They left something behind! What is it, Vladina?
Vladina:I don't know. Elvis, do you have any idea?
Elvis:It's my wig! It contains power fibers to help your defense. However, besides me, only hamsters can use it.
Helena:Alright! It's mine then! (puts it on)
Jordon:Boy do you look sick.
Helena:Hey! Take that back!
Juli:C'mon ya'll. If we want to get to the mountain by dark we have to hurry.
-----To Be Continued-----


The Quest for the Blue Suede Sword: Part Two
Juli

(Hamster Helena, Jordon Dwarf, Vladina, Danny the Mad, and Sir Streetsmart have joined Juli's team in her Quest to find the Blue Suede Sword and rescue Elvis from Bill Gates. They are about to leave the city of Farside and start the journey)
Juli:Is everybody ready?
Jordon:Yep! Let's use the Houndstone to ask Elvis where to go now.
Elvis:I used my last power to send my sword to BananaSandwich Island on Mount Rock. Vladina has the map.
Vladina:We need to go to Vegas Bay so that we can get a boat.
Sir Streetsmart:(sings)Hark! Let us depart!
Danny:(sings)OF THIS ADVENTURE I SHALL TAKE PART!
Helena:(sings)I shall pierce Bill to the heart!
Elvis:Shut up! Boy, when I get out of here, I'm going to write a decent song.
(The team goes to Vegas Bay)
Jordon:Which boat should we buy, Juli?
Juli:This one looks good. (to the BoatKeeper)How much is it?
Boatkeeper:700 dollars.
Danny:DANG, THATS ALOT!
Juli:We'll take it. Here.
(The team sets sail)
Vladina:We'll get to BananaSandwich Island Tommorow.
Helena:Then that's when the adventure begins!
-----To Be Continued-----


The quest for the Blue Suede Sword
Juni's sister, Juli

Sad over the death of my sister, I went to the bar where many told tales of Elvis. I sat down and ordered a frappacino. "Hey Juli," yelled Cyrix the Hamster. "Did your sister find Elvis yet? We're getting tired of telling the same old stories about the King." "Yeah," echoed others."Where's Elvis?" "She failed." I stated flatly. I then told the sad tale of what happened to my sister, which you can read under this title: 'Where's Elvis? Ask Bill!' parts one and two. "Ohmygosh! What are you going to do?" asked the Barkeeper. "I must go on the quest for the Blue Suede Sword so that I may kill Bill Gates and avenge Juni's death! Will anyone join me?"
(silence)
Well?
"I'll join you, Juli!"
It was Hamster Helena, the Brave. She would be a brave warrior to help me.
"If Helena goes, so shall I" said Jordan Dwarf. "And me!" shouted Vladina. "No! Why should you go?" scoffed the others. "Because I have the Houndstone, A rock which will allow its holder to communicate with Elvis himself!" The others ohhh'ed and ahhh'ed. Danny the Mad and Sir Streetsmart also joined. Now we are ready to go! "Hurry," said Elvis through the Houndstone. "Bill is getting restless! And I'm sick of eating pellets! Those that find me shall be greatly rewarded!" So, Hamster Helena, Jordan Dwarf, Valdina, Danny the Mad, Sir Streetsmart, and I went to the city of Farside, where we prepared for our journey.
------To Be Continued------


Juli and Bill's Battle (Part Two)
Juli

(As the others distract the Windowmen 7.0, Juli fights Bill Gates. She has been knocked to the wall and Bill is about to put her in Vlad the impaler's cage)
Elvis:Use the Super Sword attack! Hurry!!
Juli:Okay, here I go!
(Juli swings around through the air and brings down the Blue Suede Sword on Bill's head.)
Bill:NNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (dies)
(Juli tries to get her breath as the others come in)
Jordon:Hey, what happened?
Helena:She killed Bill!
Danny:YEAH! WE WON! ALRIGHT!!!
Elvis:What are you waitng for? Get me out of here!
(they open the jar)
??:Bill isn't dead.
Vlad:Ohmygosh! Who are you?
Real Bill: I am the true Bill. You knew me as Vlad the Impaler.
Elvis:Now everything has been put to right. Juli?
Juli: Yeah?
Elvis:I love you. Will you marry me?
Juli:Of course I will. I love you, too.
Sir Streetsmart:Happiness to these lucky two, may many blessings come to both of you!
Danny:I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.
(so, Juli and Elvis get married and move to California. The real Bill starts cleaning up his kingdom. Jordon has been hired to help him. Vladina is going to go to college. Danny the Mad got a job at a gas station at Farside. Sir Streetsmart is at the same city and works at a museum. Hamster Helena is still at the old bar, ready to be hired for her next glorious battle. That is the story of these brave folk. But certainly not their last adventure.)
-----The End-----



Juli and Bill's Battle
Juli

(Juli, Hamster Helena, Vladina, Jordon Dwarf, Danny the Mad, and Sir Streetsmart have found the Blue Suede Sword and are now in the house of Bill Gates, the guy who stuck Elvis on a jar on his desk. Elvis tells the heros where to go through the Houndstone.)
Elvis:O.K., take a right at this next hall and the last door on the left is his office.
Jordon:This is way to easy. Wait a minute! There are some Windowmen!
(They start fighting)
Vladina:These are no normal Windowmen! They are Windowmen 7.0!
Danny:I CALL ALL LINUX PENGUINS TO BATTLE!
(The penguins come and help fight)
Danny:THESE FREAKS JUST KEEP COMING!!
Helena:Go Juli! We'll distract while you battle Bill!
Sir Streetsmart:Go meet Bill and fight! Show strength and might! defeat him once and for all! The evil one will surely fall!
(Juli rushes into Bill's office)
Juli:Come and fight, fool!
Bill:I thought you'd come. But I was hoping to get in some golf first. Oh well. Hey, is that the Blue Suede Sword?
Juli:You bet!
(The two fight and fight. Juli almost wins when she is knocked against the wall)
Bill:Haha! I got your sister with that move! To Vlad with you!
Vlad:Yum, yum. Eat em' up!
-----To Be Continued-----


Elvis..the invasion of my Tootsie Pop
by a sad sad girl who is missin her lollipop

Let me take you back...to the day...not too long ago...yet still clear in my mind. It was a warm August night. My sister, Valencia (val for short) went to the local grocery store with my mother. I gave her $1.00 to buy me something sweet because i was craving some sweets. Being the GREAT little sister that she is, she bought me two tootsie pops. One was orange and the other chocolate. What was she thinking? I HATE orange tootsie pops. If only she had bought the red...if only. But no, the orange. ANYWAY, i didn't want to upset her by throwing it away so I unwrapped it like i was about it eat it (even though i wasn't really going to). I looked down at the orange tootsie pop and to my shock and horror...(ready for this)...there was an engravement of ELVIS' FACE!!!! I'm not making this up. It really happened. And I will never be the same because of it. How did it get there? Now whenever I hear Elvis' name i shudder...just to think...he came back just to make an appearance on my little orange tootsie pop. DAMN ELVIS........


Now you see him,now you don't.....
Linatai

Yes...I saw Elvis....not just any Elvis...THE Elvis! *sits downand prepares to ramble* He just kinda was standing in the middle of the road...I was in the back of this big old truck.These people in white labcoat looking things came and told me to come with them so I said "aww what the heck?What's the worst that could happen?" So I'm in this truck and Elvis is walking across the road! I mean....walking across the road!I told the driver to stop so I could get his autograph but he just nodded and said that we'd be there soon.A car went by and The King disappeared.When I finally got into my padded room,I tried explaining to this guy in a straight-jacket about what I saw,but he just growled at me and told me to eat my dog....I love my dog! Her name is Maggie and she can fly....Anyway,when i finally got out of that place(which smelled really clean,might I add),I asw him again!!! This time he was talking on the phone...So then i searched and searched for people who would listen,but I couldn't find anyone who would believe me.Then I found this site! I can finally tell people about when I saw The King.*starts to cry* Thanks for your time!!


Elvis? A Cat!?!
Ferg (Somewhat Silly)

Ok, i am prone to have prophetic visions sometimes in my dreams. Its always stupid stuff that is horribly irrelavent in my life (thats a bit o background) Anyway in my dream my kitty spoke to me in a decidedly Elvisy voice convincing me to tune my radio to a particularly unknown station. The song 'You aint nothin but a hound dog' came on. My cat grimaced and told me that she never liked that song (hating dogs as my cat does) and then trotted off into a mysterious fog. The lyrics of the song then changed to repetitive 'MEOWS'. And so you see now that elvis can take on the shape of many critters.

Even my kitty.


I wish I could be who I was before.....
The lost.

It was 1997 when the dance contest had been held. I wanted to win so that I could be on TV with Weird Al. On my way there, I saw Elvis. He looked just like the king except that he was very old. He screamed "Help me, help me!" and started drooling. I got scared so I ran away. I forgot it when I was at the studio and talked to some of my friends. I found an jacket like the one Elvis had. Jokingly I put it on and imitated Elvis. That was stupid of me. When it was time to go onstage, I couldn't take it off. My friends told me not to worry about it and go on. So I did, but I sang Jailhouse Rock instead of the song I meant to sing. Afterwards, I was ignored by my friends and I didn't know why. I didn't win. Weird Al told me that Elvis impersonations were too unoriginal. What was going on? As I left, the old guy was there. "Haha, now I'm free! You're Elvis now! I'm free, free!" He said as he changed into a nonElvis person. Then he keeled over and died. I looked in a mirror. I'm Elvis! It was too late to go back. The only way I could go back was to get someone to wear the Elvis jacket. It's really hard. Now I just cry and eat fried banana sandwiches. They're pretty good. I also do all the stuff that you guys write about. It's fun, but I want to go home. Maybe Bob the Hamster can help me.....


Elvis at mcdonalds
Drew Thorp

There was a guy at mcdonlads named elvis. Being doubtfull, I gained the courage and asked hi if that was his "real" name. He told me," Yah, shure it is kid. My mom named me it because she is a totla elvise fan. I felt kindof stupid and left without my order.


Elvis the Vikings Fan!!
The Mad Monk

Elvis is a Vikings fan!! I know, I was arranging a Packers party when Elvis stole my bag of chips, screaming "I want nothin' but a hot dog! These are for my Vikings party!" I knew I had to defeat him before Packer parties all over the country were ruined, so I bought the Medallion of Cheese at a church auction for $1.50 and used the Power of Cheese to stop Elvis and his buddies as they were eating my corn chips. Him and his friends turned into large hunks of cheddar cheese, and I ate Elvis with my chips as I watched the Packers whup the Vikings.


Elvis is a undercover F.B.I Agent!
SPAMFAN

First of all this is totally true..
Second of all it happened like this..
I had just walked in to a library and was looking up "Hamster" in the dictionary.Then I heard YOU AINT NOTHIN' BUT A HOUNG DOG
ELVIS WAS SINGING RIGHT NEXT TO THE LITERATURE
The libarian who looked upset,(I guess he had started before I was here)took something out of her desk and walked over to him.
I HAD TO SAVE ELVIS!
I ran like I never had before but it was too late, The libarian pulled out..A PIECE OF PAPER? And said "WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH??? Then I realized it! ELVIS WAS A UNDERCOVER F.B.I AGENT.
He was in the perfect clothes for one..Black..Hair..and singing THE SONG.By now he was singing jailhouse rock near the goldfish tank.
So I walked over to him and SPYED. I wish I wouldnt have seen it but I did, Elvis pulled out some goldfish food, I KNEW AT ONCE SOMETHING WAS WRONG. He poured it in and the water turned green! The fish all died and went to heaven but Elvis said, "They were suspected of stealing the Bill of Rights, Sorry."
I managed to take a picture of him and sell it for 1000000 dollars.
Now I live in a aquarium in Ohio.


Reader's Digest stole Elvis!
Chaz5000

Recently I picked up a set of Elvis' Greatest Hits on 8-track, for my player at home. As I was reading the little booklet that came with it, my eyes fell upon a small note on the back page: "This set of recordings is copyright 1982 Reader's Digest". This leaves CONCLUSIVE evidence that Elvis was kidnapped by Reader's Digest. Furhtermore, if you play "Love Me Tender" on that 8-track backwards, you can distinctively hear "I been kidnapped by the fine people at The Digest." Is Elvis alive today? I don't know, but this proves he was alive in 1982.


Elvis is a Racoon!
The wicked witch of America

Heeee heee heee! I saw Elvis come into my house looking for a potion that will give him eternal life! Hee hee heeee! So then instead of giving him the life potion, I gave him a different potion and then he turned into a Racoon. Hee hee hee!


how elvis cut off my finger in the industrial tech room
Anonymous

one day i was just wondering around minding my own screwy bussiness. Then he came from behind me. From nowhere. Well the closet.......
and there he was... the king.. i didnt think he was bad just a ghost of himself so i ran but before i got anywhere he caught me. by the back of my neck. and then he drug me over to the bansaw and he put my finger on the platform and turned off the machine and took of my finger. when i got to the hosipital i told the docter and he put me in the looney bin. so theres my story about the unknown....


The Kelp Juice
Ferg, the Duchess of popcorn poppers

Ok once my grandma was moaning and complaining about the fact that she had no kelp juice. Me being the nice person i am, decided to go pick some up for her (even though i hate kelp juice.... it tastes life fish pee). I discovered that the store was closed, and desperate to find some kelp juice for my dear, dear grandma, i began asking passerbys where i could find some. A man named Harriet Potter told me about this factory which I thought had been aboandoned years ago and was supposed to be selling fresh kelp. I thanked Harriet and went on my merry way. I was frolicking so happily in fact, that i became lost. I whipped out my trust cell phone and called my friend Crabs. He said just follow the plume of smoke in the direction of the sea. "Ok! Now i know where im going." After stealing several cars and biting several lamp-posts, i found the factory. I went in and must have taken a wrong turn because i found the ingredients room. Two guards ran at me with spam logos on there shirts. I pulled out my cell phone and stabbed them in the ankles until they died from it! Then i saw the most hideous thing in my life. Elvis was bathing in a pool of water. On the side of the pool was the label KELP JUICE. "Nooooooo! Elvis how could you!"



dont drink Kelp juice....


Elvis is Visser five!
A friend of an Andelite

Does anyone know what a Yeerk is? I aint going to tell you, but they're slugs that go inside peoples brains and takes control of them. Whoops! I've just told you. But Visser five is a Yeerk that obviously got into Elvis's brain somehow and now, he's visser five! So my Andelite buddy is destroying him right now. Eeeeewwwww! I'ts not every day that you see a 50's rock star get turned into McFood. Eeewww!


Elvis ate my twinkie
Crabs the 1st

I was wondering the meanstreets of Fort Morgan and there was a guy selling twinkies at the corner of main. I walked up to him and said "How much for one of those wonderful twinkies"? The man said "only a dollar". So I bought a few and started walking home then out of no where Elvis jumped out of some bushed and knocked me down and he was wearing black and white striped uniform. He was saying" I am making a Jail house rock". He then grabbed one of my twinkies and I triped the king and got up and said"Thank you, thank you very much". Then he dissappeared through the darkness. I never ate another twinkie after my experience.


Elvis down under
Thieds

I saw him park in a 'parents with prams' spot and subsequently had an irate Cranbourne single mother at him about it. She obviously didn't know who he was coz he supposedly died 10 years before she was born. I knew the king when I saw him. He apologized to her but continued on his way into the bakery. He later emerged with a couple of party pies and a ginger-bread man before jumping in his Commodore and heading off down the South Gippsland Highway back toward Melbourne.


Elvis ate my chicken
Caleb

One day I was working at Boyum foods. I was making the chicken in the deli. Our chicken is world famous (in our town)so naturally I was very busy. Suddenly, in walked a man wearing an Elvis costume. When he got closer, I realized it was the man himself! He went right to the deli and ordered a 12 piece chicken. I gladly served him and when I give him his world famous chicken, he said "Thank you, thank you very much!" That is my Elvis story.


Elvis Lives in My Closet
Jade Kitty

This is totally true, I swear. Elvis lives in my closet and steals all my clothes. He wears them, too. Like the other day, I saw him strolling down the sidewalk wearing my green formal dress, the one with the spaghetti straps. I didn't even know before that that he was taking my shoes too, but there it was, he was walking around in my silver Cathy Jean formal shoes.

Get this. He doesn't even have the descency to get my stuff dry-cleaned before he returns it, all sweaty and messed up.

Sometimes he leaves his own clothes in my closet...which is ok, because then I just go and sell them on e bay.


Thrift Evil Elvis
I cannot let anyone know what my real identity is........lest I be smite by the Thrift Evil Elvis!

One fateful dusk, I was journeying throughout my neighborhood with my friends. My friends were all teens, except for little, innocent, 12-year-old me. We all came at last to a spook-house. I stared at the whitewashed walls of the spook-house and suddenly, a movie began to run like from a movie projector. It showed the film in a 3-D Video Game mode. The movie showed a midget-like George Washington.
~~~~~
A man, clad in a black leather jacket and pants, gazed out the window at a young girl, most likely 12 at the most. She was accompanied by eight teenagers. They were all staring at a side of the mysterious man's house. Heh, he thought. Those must be the ones...
~~~~~
Our noble first president was staring at a painting of himself. Suddenly, a pirate leapt out of the painting and cut George Washington in half with his saber. No blood, no guts, no nothing. Just one clean, solid slash downward. Then, the projection ended. I think I knew who that pirate was...anyway..
~~~~~
"Ohhhh..." The black-leather man sighed. "It took me ages to get that film right...never mind that!" He snapped his hard, callused fingers. "Senor Ducke..." he mumbled, then called, "SENOR DUCKESTRO!"
A quite large duck appeared out of thin air. The duck apparently knew nothing but a dialect of spanish, but it understood english quite well. "Listen, Senor Duckestro, I want you to do something for me."
"Si, Senor Presley!"
~~~~~
To the left of the spook-house, there was a shack full of old, broken-down computer parts. I opened the door a little wider, and a duck came out, orange bill and glossy, white feathers. It looked at me, and spoke in a spanish dialect that I didn't and probably never will understand. It waddled away and ran into the spook-house. It sqawked to a hidden person inside. The only thing visible was the shadow against a lit window.

I suddenly jumped, accidentically landing on one of my friends(who was a male; I am a female). "Look!" I cried. "See those! There!"

I scooped up a handful of glowing aquamarine pebbles. They pulsed and shone with an unseen energy. One particularly large pebble flew towards me with great force. I braced myself for the incoming crash. Then...all went black as pitch......

Presley went red with rage. "She absorbed one of the Mystic Essences! No! Unless....."

"Unless what?"

Presley spun around. He was greeted by the sight of a young 17-year-old teen. She had jet black hair, pale skin, and the sexiest figure anyone would hope to ever see. Her lips naturally fell into a contented smile.

"Well," she said. "Unless what?"

Presley sighed. "Unless she hasn't absorbed the power source, there's still hope. Who are you?"

The girl laughed. "Oh, how silly of me! I'm Felonie, criminal mastermind and bounty humter extrordinaire. And, you must be.....Mr. Elvis Presley himself."

Presley shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Just don't tell anyone, okay?" Felonie nodded.

"Now what was it that you wanted?" she asked with a sly grin.
~~~~~
I woke up after an hour, or so my friends told me. They said that as soon as I was knocked out, they were also assaulted with smaller pebbles. When they woke, they found me in a trance-like state. My eyes had been wide open, they had said, and I was radiating with a strange, golden light.

"Well, guys," I said, amazed. "Look at yourselves!" They were all giving off certain glows. Blue, purple, pink, red, green......

I lifted my hand and picked up a small, plain pebble. I let it bathe in the glow surrounding us. Suprisingly, when I let it go, it was a fine powder.

"Hahaha! Little children! All ripe for the picking! My boss has a high price set for your heads!" Felonie leapt down from a second-story balcony, holding a sharpened sword. "Once I get those stones, Mr.Presley will be soooo pleased!" She took a quick slash at Scott, one of my closest friends.

"Ohhhh......." he groaned. "My-my side....it hurts!" I quickly removed his pale green sweater. There was a deep gash in his side.
"No!" I cried, and I fell to the ground sobbing.


elvis is a meanie demon child
Rainbow Luvs Her Soelaces

one day i was walking to the store to buy my favorite canned meat products.. when out of nowhere elvis came and threw a hampster at me.the poor hampster was hurt and afraid so i took care of him, now hes big and strong.two weeks later i saw him again , so i yelled at him " you meanie demon child, you were mean to my hampster now you must pay" then i tried to do one of those kewl martial arts moves, but i fell down. elvis simply laughed "ha ha ha, you have found my secret. i am a demon child. but none will believe you if you have no.... SHOELACES!" so the arse stole my shoelaces and now noone will believe me *tear*


Elvis is MR. EVIL SQUIGGLE MAN!!!
Katie and Caroline

Okay. This morning, I created a character named Mr. Evil Squiggle Man. He lives on a yellow piece of lined paper. Suddenly, he HOPPED OFF the paper and attacked us! AAH! (Us being Katie and Caroline, of course. You fools. YOU... FOOLISH MORTALS!! AAAHAHAHA!
*Caroline: Shut up Katie.*
*Katie: Alright.*)
And then Caroline forced him back onto his paper by threatening him with her SPATULA!! AAHH!! THE PAAIN OF MY SQUEEDLYSPOOCH! And then Joku the horrible pink haired Super Saya-Jin started TO EAT.... THE CLASS OF JAPANESE ANIME2! But before he could even BEGIN, Andrew Rachford started talking about the SPIDERMAN MOVIE! AAH! And then Katie and Caroline worked together to create the ULTIMATE WEAPON AGAINST THE HUNGRY JOKU.... A Hamburger. Yes, we drew the hamburger of justice. It was colored with KATIE'S COLORED PENCILS OF JUSTICE CHING! AND JOKU FEASTED ON IT! OH, THE FEASTING!!
Er... wait. I blew a liiiiittle off track.
*Caroline: ...*
Okay. Enough of Joku... for now.
Anyway.
Elvis is Mr. Evil Squiggle Man.
So, he hopped off his paper and sang about the Spiderman Movie. Oh, the agony we faced. It was magical. So, Caroline and I sat on the Bermuta Triangle after swinging on swings that didn't let our feet touch the ground. Oh, the agony! It was MAGICAL!

Okay. Sorry about that.

So then Sierra jumped out of the comic I was drawing her in! And she ATE MR. EVIL SQUIGGLE MAN! She commented on his taste. "Mm. He tasted like an overgrown stickweed."
"You mean a tree."
"That's what I said, doomed one."
"Shut up Sierra. Get back into your comic before I use my ERASER OF ULTIMATE JUSTICE on you!"
"Wait." Caroline said, scratching her head in confusion. "If you had an ERASER OF ULTIMATE JUSTICE, why didn't you just use it... on Mr. Evil Squiggle Man at the beginning?"
"Because the cows did not will it, Caroline. How many times do we have to GO OVER this?!"
"Oh yah."
"And need I remind you of the meaning of life, young lady?"
"Blazzazak."
"Good girl."

Meanwhile, Sepheroth was watching this from his Northern Crater. He decided that since Caroline was his ULTIMATE FAN. . .

*Caroline: I'm not addicted! Stop saying that!*
*Katie: Off course you aren't sweetheart. You DON'T sing every single Final Fantasy song composed by Nobuo Uematsu, dance to "One Winged-Angel. . .*
*Caroline: One Winged Angel! YAY! Sephers! I LOVE YOU SEPHEROTH!


Estuans interius
ira vehementi
Estuans interius
ira vehementi

Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Estuans interius
ira vehementi
Estuans interius
ira vehementi

Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Sors immanis
Et inanis
Sors immanis
Et inanis

Estuans interius
ira vehementi
Estuans interius
ira vehementi
Sephiroth

Sephiroth

Veni, veni, venias,
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias,
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias,
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias,
Ne me mori facias

Gloriosa
Generosa
Gloriosa
Generosa

Gloriosa
Generosa
Gloriosa
Generosa

Sephiroth
Sephiroth!!!!

*Begins to do the Cabbage Patch and John Trovolta*
*Katie: *sweatdrop*

*Katie: CAROLINE! DO YOU WANT TO HAVE THIS IN HERE AT ALL OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO DANCE AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT ALL DAY AND NEVER GET THIS DONE??!*

SORRRRYYYYY!

Okay. Anyway. Back to my love, my idol, my greatest passion, my-

*Katie: CAROLINE!!*

SORRY!
Okay.
So, Sepheroth decided to help her. He picked up his MURASUME, CHING! and his best materia, Knits of the Round.

*Katie: Knits. . .?*

Yes, Knits. It's where 13 old grannies -

*Katie: I get the message. Just go on.*

Oh, well, anyway, he walked in that wonderful walk of his to Chicago, where the trouble took place. Then, he did his cool laugh thingy, and Mr. Evil Squiggle Man-

*Katie: Squiggl-Y, Caroline. Squiggl-Y. And isn't he already dead?*

*Caroline: I'M GETTING THERE!*

Now, you may be wondering why Mr. Squiggle -er... SquigglY-

*Katie: EVIL SQUIGGLY.*

OKAY! Now, you may be wondering... isn't he already dead?

*Katie: Took the words right out of my mouth. ISN'T HE?!*

Well, the Corn Dogs willed he be revived, seeing as to they are in line with the evil Seifer Almasy! May his heinious marriage to Tifa Lockheart live in infamy! The evil scum they deserve ea-

*Katie grabs her head in confusion: AAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS.... ABOUT.... ELVIS... AND... WAIT... AAAHHH!!! *screams histerically, then shuts up so suddenly, it's scary. Oh, I'm scared. you should be too.* ... moose. Okay, the comrades aren't liking this. Go on. But I must say... the cows did not will this be. So... yeah. *shrug* Eh. Caroline, anything else to add before you are flung into a nightmare from which there is no waking?*

Yes, actually.

So, Sepheroth pulled out a giant snail, and so did Mr. Evil Squiggly Man.

Snail to Snail.

Escargot to Escargot.

Hunky Madman to Evil Scribble. -Y.

Oooh, the fear! Oooh the Drama!

*Katie: I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD! SO DEAD! OOOH!!!!*
*Caroline: I LOVE YOU SEPHEROTH!*
*Katie: *Sweatdrop*
*Coo walks by: Heeey! They're fighting with SNAILS!*
*Katie: ...?!?! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! SAVE MEEFROM THE SNAIILS!!*
*John smacks Coo on the back of the head: Coo, you baby worm, SHUT UP.*
*Coo looks down: Yessir.*

Then, a loud bang is heard. From out of the mist, making the air still as death, the moon shimmering on the sea. . .

*Katie: GEORGE WASHINGTON! COMMING OUT OF THE MIST! I NEED A CAMERA! SPACKLE?! SPACKLE, WHERE ARE YOU?! WHERE'S THE CAMERA, SPACKLE?! *looks around* WHERE ARE THEY ALL COMMING FROM?!??!*

*Caroline and all watch in confusion.*

*. . .*
*Sepheroth: ... ? What?*
*Caroline squeals and glomps him: I LOVE YOU SEPHEROTH!!*
*Sepheroth: ?!?!?!*
*Katie coughs: Let the story be DONE! I MUST HAVE MY PART!*

And the athletic figure of Vincent Valentine peirces the darkness, his Death Penalty at his side, and his newly aquirred wife, Yuffie, with her Conformer.

Warning to all trees, DON'T get in Yuffie's way.

*Katie, wearing a tree suit, and unable to move her arms (branches): *scarcastically*: Ah. *walks over and sits on the couch.* Ah. Oh, the fear I am having right now. It is magical. Ooooh, someone save me from the... uh... from Yuffie.*
*Caroline, still hanging on her love: Hey, wasn't this story originally about Elvis?*
*Everyone stops and stares at each other, except for Yuffie, who is edging toward Katie, who slooowwly edges away.*
*All mumbling: She's right. Get her off me. Why is this girl hanging all over me. What's with the squid?! COO, SHUT UP!*
*Katie: Eh... Caroline? Caroliiiine?*
*Caroline is too busy trying to get a kiss from... "her... passion" to listen.*
*Katie, meekly: CAROLIIINE? Why is she looking at me like that?! CAROLINE! I'M TALKING TO YOU!!*
*Caroline: Kiss me, my love! My passion!*
*Katie starts to waddle away as fast as she can in her tree suit: CAROLINE!! HELP ME! CAROLIIINEEEE!!!!*
*Caroline turns around and screams at Katie: I'M KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW!!!*
*Katie: EEH! BUT.. SHE'S GONNA.... AAHH!! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!! *waddles towards some nearby cardboard hills. As she approaches, they fall over.* AAH!! HEAD FOR THE... UH....*
*Caroline: BODIES OF WATER!*
*Katie: RIGHT! *waddles toward some puddles, which dry up quickly.* DAMN YOU PUDDLES OF DOOM!! HEAD FOR.... UH... THE JELLYBEANS!! THE NEARESET 7-11!! AAH! CAROLINE, MAKE HER STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!!!!!*
*Caroline: I SAID I'M BUSY!!*
*Katie waddles out the door.*
*A sudden BOOMING is heard.*
*Katie: CAROLIIINE! I FELL DOWN THE STAIIRRS!!!*
*Caroline: GOOOOD for YOU!*
*Shot of Katie, at the foot of the stairs, waddlingher legs helplessly in the air, to no evail. Yuffie approaches.*
*Katie: I CAN'T GET UUUPPP CAAROLIIINEEE!!!*
*Caroline stomps out of the room, pulling Sepheroth along with her: KATIE!! DID I NOT ALREADY TELL YOU THAT I WAS.... YUFFIE!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW!!*
*Yuffie mumbles and tromps up the stairs.*
*Katie waves her leaves helplessly in the air: Aaah, aaaaaah...... Caroline? A LITTLE HELP!!!*
*Sammie ((Sammee? Sammi? Sammy?)) sits by Katie: MEOW! MEOW! MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW!!*
*Katie: SAMMIE! ((Sammee? Sammi? Sammy?)) HELP MEEEE!*
*Caroline: STOP YOUR WHINNING!!*
*Katie: AAH! But.. THIS STORY WAS ABOUT ELVIS! NOT ABOUT ME AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS IN A TREE SUIT!! HOW DID THIS COME TO BEE?!?!!*
*Caroline: Let's go back upstairs, guys.
*Sepheroth and Yuffie nod and follow Caroline back to the computerroom, Yuffie glaring at Katie and making the "I'm watching you" motion. Katie whimpers.*
*BACK IN THE COMPUTER ROOM.*
*everyone: TEQUILA!!*
*The song plays as everyone limbos*
Except, all was not well. The evile Joku still lurked in the World, in the shadows of the night. Wow. Wasn't that deep?

So, Joku used his teleportation powers and went to the Computer Room! Caroline was STILL TRYING TO GET A KISS FROM SEPHEROTH. Then, the GIANT SNAIL ATE JOKU!! And everyone lived happily ever after.
Or.... DID THEY?!!

**AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS, STILL ON HER BACK, LIES OUR SECOND HEROINE. IN HER SUIT OF BARK AND LEAVES, SHE LIES, UPSIDEDOWN, UNABLE TO MOVE BECAUSE OF HER HEAVY PACKAGING.**
*Katie: ... Caroline? CAROLIIIINE?! CAROLINE!!!*

Well, in the end, Katie found a way out of her tree suit, and forced Caroline into a nightmare, from which there was no waking.

And all was right in the land of the Jellybeans.

Caroline even got her kiss from Sepheroth.
Or she will...


...someday.
Maybe.


THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie: SPUR OF THE MOMENT STUFF!! WHOOOOHOOO!!!!

Caroline: SEPHEROTH LOVES MEE!! HE LOVES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Katie: o_O Of course he does, sweetheart.


~Katie and Caroline. (Oh, and Sammie ((Sammy? Sammee? Sammi? AAH! THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW!!!))


Elvis is a zombie
Mama Ham

Elvis is a zombie. He walks through Florida eating the brain of all who visit his grave. I saw him accidently miss and chew off a foot instead. He has eaten the brains of millions so all they can do is buy and listen to his music. Then he takes all their money and gives it to the poor after he eats their brain. The only way to kill this demon is with a rabid hamster.


Elvis is a donut robber
Mama Ham

I went to get a donut from Dunkin Donuts when I heard somebody yelling. It was so evil. I knew it was Elvis the Donut Monger. I ran to save the innocent people from the fate of being stuffed with jelly and fed to who else but Vlad. So I entered the store and threw a bagel at Elvis. As everyone knows bagels make Elvis sound all squeaky. They also make him dance polka.Unnfortuanly Vlad had acompanied Elvis and jumped up and ate the bagel. This bagel being onion made Vlad go on a rammpage. He ate everything in the store including Elvis. I was about to be swallowed too but Vlad fell flat on his face and died. All the horrible fat of Elvis clogged his arteries and killed him.


Last Night
Anonymous

Last night elvis came to my house with a bouquet of flowers. he started singing heartbreak hotel and asked me to dinner. Then we got into his Cadilac and drove off. we went to a deli and ate there. then he brought me back home and i said thanks for a fun night. he said no problem and kissed my hand. He then went off into the sunset. I CANT B-LEAVE I SAW ELVIS!!!


The American Flag
Uncle Sam

I swear it, yes I do, I was out walking yesterday down yonder the American paths of Virgina. I swear it, yes I do, I came across an old Methodist Church. Yes, sir, this church was abbandond, I swear it. Then, outside this old abbandond church, there was an American Flag. I look up at it, and the stars moved and formed Elvis's face. He started to sing Heartbreak Hotel. At the end, he said, "Thank you, Thatnk you very much." I swear it yes I do. I then went home and ate some oatmeal. His face appeared in the oatmeal and the same thing happened except this time he was singing Blue Suede Shoes. I swear it yes I do, yes siree.


Elvis the drunk
Anonimous

One lonely afternoon, i was walking out of the bar and a strange demented man in a white suit strolled up the street in his blue 55 chevrolette and rammed into the street light and flipped two times. I decided to go over to the car and look in the window. It popped out of the car window and fell to the ground lying there with a bottle of rum. "That you, Paul?". he seemed to be talking about Paul Mccartney. I stood there in disbelief and fell to the ground. The next day I woke up in the hospital throwing up while the man that i saw the night before had a gun pointet to my head. The nurse pulled him back and he shot me in the head. On the other hand, how can i be typing this if im dead......?


Daddy, that guy has hair on his cheeck.
Anonymous

"Daddy, that guy has hair on his cheecks.", "Oh, my Gosh...", "What Daddy?", "Let's go..." I looked away, my son was wondering what was so bad about the person. It was Elvis Presley.


Elvis came to canada
the canadian you'll never know

So I was walking down the street when Elvis,Santa,and the Easter Bunney turn a corner in front of me. Elvis was telling Santa to have his elves record some of his songs up here in Canada and input subliminal messages into the music telling the world to bow before him. Then Elvis told the Easter Bunney to distribute the CDs all over the world. I hid behind a thorn bush as they passed, all laughing evilly. So if you get an Elvis CD AT Easter BURN IT AND WARN YOUR FRIENDS.


Elvis the Moneyless
SQUEAKER

Elvis is moneyless. His agents took all the money he had. After his supposed death the agents got rich and Elvis landed on the street. This is the sad story he told me when I saw him begging for socks.

I saw Elvis in New York. He had no shirt or socks or money. He was on the wanted list for robbing a bank. I asked him what happened. "I had it good"Elvis said. I then asked him why he had no money and rotten smelly clothes."My agents tied me up one day. Then they took my money and sent it to Afganistan"Elvis replied sadly. Then before I could ask him anything else,a car pulled up. Vlad jumped out and grabbed Elvis and threw him into a building. The he took his pants and threw a brick at Elvis. Vlad sold the pants for 5000000 dollars. Still Elvis had no money and Vlad his only remaining agent got rich. He used the money to buy a fighter jet. We are DOOMED!



Elvis wasn't real!
SPAMFAN

He was just a conspiracy woven by the M.I.B and F.B.I to keep us under control.

The real Elvis didnt sing, He was a play actor in England a long time ago, He played in such plays as, Elvis's trip to wonderland" And many diffrent beautifuly written plays.

Elvis went into a Tavern and a F.I.B er F.B.I agent was there he was from the future and told Elvis, That he would be hung and in 700 years from now he would be reborn. As the new Elvis was born the nurse stole him and gave him to M.I.B who rewired his brain, he looked alot like Elvis. They had traced down Elvis descendays since around 1200 AD and kept his preasthoric DNA stored in a bottle, and telported through the years. After one year of (real) time they found him and gave him to the M.I.B.

They gave him a Hair Transplant because of a flaw in his genetic makeup that would make him go gray early.

I'm sorry to say thats what the Goverment has been keeping from us.


Elvis made Chris cry
An Auto Tech

I was in my AST class one day, taking notes on block reconditioning, when all of a sudden Elvis came into the room. Mr. Sirl asked "Who are you and why are you interupting my class?" And Elvis said,"Because I want to make Chris cry." Then Sirl asked him why. Then he said,"Because he always crys." Then Chris whinned,"No I don't!" And then the whole class said,"Yes you do." Then Chris began to cry. Then Elvis said,"My work here is finished." Then he left.
We still don't know if that was really Elvis or a drunk midget.


Elvis Went Out with my Mom During High School!
That One Guy

It's true! Completely true! I swear it! I was looking through my mom's old yearbooks and I saw his photograph in the band section. There was no mistaking it! The slick black hair, the countless tattoos, the leather jacket (ripped from his obesity), the huge sideburns, all of it was Elvis! And when I showed my mom, she was like, "Oh, yeah, I went out with him during high school." I was shocked and appalled! I couldn't stop puking for months. Everyone taunted me at school, they tripped me down the stairs and put Kick Me signs on my back, the pants'ed me during PE and threw food at me while I was eating (whether it was related to the whole Elvis thing, I don't know). The next year I ran away, ashamed, and joined the Texas Rangers.


Elvis Is Out There
Master Benny

One time I was walking down the street and an extremely husky man said to me, "Hey, beautiful... ask me what I'm doin....". Not being one to turn down an offer from a stranger I retorted, "What ARE you doin'?". He quickly stated, "Talking to a beautiful girl". That was the last straw. After the last remark, my friends Jason and Fehran and I kicked him to death. After that, we tarred and feathered him and afterward...we made a life size statue of the king. We screamed wildly into the night, "GREENLEAF!!!!"


Elvis is my elementary school janitor
Algor the Tyronnian commando

At my old school you can't use restroom without hearing everyone's favorite janitor singing You ain't nuthin but a hound dog... He had the same physical and mental attributes to! My boss tyronne was his main partner on a grand adventure once to, and he plans on telling you it as well.

p.s.I'm only twelve so go easy on me!

p.p.s.Tyronnians physically mature fast so I look old for my age!

p.p.p.s. we grow a little faster mentally to.


Elvis stole my ability to BOOGAY!!!!!
The man with the golden toe

I was just drunkenly swaggering around the street as i do every 3:00 when all the sudden my magical staff of ham and cheese fell from the sky and i knew this must truley be the work of elvis so i put on my sexy pink speedo and flew into the air where i was confronted by the monkey king himself ELVIS i was forced to dance like a hairy ape when i used the PINGWIINGCHOW!!!! (or to those who are not familiar with that turm it is a rubber glove) And slapped him around like a purple poodle that comes once every 3 years to feed on the corpses of poor innocent gelitan snacks and he fell from the sky and landed on a tire factory and yelled "DONT TOUCH MY GRANDMOTHER THE RADIATION IS TO POWERFULL" so i said "alright" and he yelled "YOU FOOL I TRICKED YOU HAHAHAHAH" and blasted me to miami witch paralyzed because i hit a rock on the way and that is how the tiger got his stripes


My Corgi was Elvis
ARCANE DUDE

It was late on a Friday night and my spouse was asleep in the jacuzzi, again. I had just settled down to have a look-see at the tv when suddenly, my pet Corgi, Jobul R Honeybear, looked at me and said, "Bob," which is really my name, "I feel like Elvis." Not quite sure I was witnessing this remarkable event first hand, I said, "Wah, what?" Jobul responded, "I am Elvis. Truly, I am." To which I replied, "You aint nothin', not even a hound dog." Then Elvis departed in a eerie puff of smoke, sort of like he did once in a show in Las Vegas once. Honest.


Elvis's pelvis got nothin' to do with it
Mowdwed's Mummy

It was over a fortnight ago that I saw him. Loki Boy (not the one who doesn't eat monkey head; the other one, his doppleganger,) Sherman Brooks, and I were dozily strolling down Atlantic City's finer offerings. Having never personally visited that place, I must rely upon a description as it was told to me by the gargantuan bird perched atop Mahatma's frame. There were gaggles of hontyflowers, and Sherman knew them all by name, just as they all knew him as Sally, from the days when she ocean-frilled thugs at the carnival.

We were passing a booth featuring fortunes foretold by the floating severed head of Samuel Beckett (two for a dollar, all others pay cash,) when one of the hobomeat spies laying in wait produced an Elvis impersonator from his cutout (life-sized, at that) fanny pack.

Beckett's skull declared the decidedly unclairvoyant conclusion that here stood no impostor, but the King yadda-da (li-la) himself. This revelation stunned me so, it took me a full half-life or two to whip out my trusty copy of Death by Fire (by the imminent Mr Lessup, in the flesh.)

Those few seconds cost money, as the cranium du Beckett pointed out with phantom appendages. I admit to having bowed to the superior intellect of one so proudly established in a confining cardboard cubicle.

Grendel's mother was too busy gnawing on Mr Moyer's vocal box (all to the enthusiastic choir that was Joey C screaming, "Whose libido now, Billy-boy?") to notice that the peanut-butter-and-fried-banana-sandwich-loving donkey was packing Britney Spears quite precisely into a Petri dish. I realised what he was about, and hurled a flag-thought at him so fast, I though he must surely impregnate himself.

Alas, my aim was enough to make li'l Willie Tell weep like a sissy. With a cry that sounded vaguely like "Mama Mia, I'm-a Mario," Mr Blue-Shoes-Blue-Shirt-Suede-Service dropped the dish into Mrs Grendel's kangaroo pouch.

It was thus that Grendel's mother begat the Spears, and my beloved Sally's fate was sealed.

(Mowdwed, come to Mummy!)



was there really an Elvis or wasit a dream
the one eyed chicken with a dream

Hi im a chicken i dont have a name but forget about me lets talk about you ok........ Wait im suposed to tell you a story hold on let me think............ HAHA i remember. Ahem I dont think there even was an Elvis I just think sombody had a crazy draem and started making rumors of a guy named Elvis so everybody believed him and now he's famous. What if i make up some phony story about somebody named Brad Pitt or Steven Speilberg and say that there big famous people. Now my grandma told me she went to an Elvis concert once she said no one came out to sing she just sat in her nosebleed seat waiting for someone to come on stage! HOW FAKE IS THAT!!!!! gosh i wish someone would make a story about me so i could be famous. uh oh here comes the farmer i better act normal bye



Elvis is my brother!
Gabe Nahmias

One day, I went to the mall, and I met this guy who told me to go into an ally. When I did, he gave me a banana. Then he ran away. I thought this guy was crazy, but, I decided to just hold the banana. Then I saw this guy with tall hair shine into the building. He said he was Elvis, and that the banana was the Banana of Dominion. He said "He whosoever holdeth the Banana of Dominion, is mah brother!"


Elvis tried to kill me.
Anonymous

Dear Elvis Encounters readers.
This is my story. One night I was walking my dogs. I stopped at a nearby restaraunt for a little drink and maybe some fries. I left there with the largest Cherry Coke I have ever had. I notice someone across the street with a guitar and in a white suit. I thought it was just another annoying pop star. Then I heard what he was singing. It was the best imitation of Jail House Blues. So I watched him for a little while and realizing what time it is I go finish my walk. As I am walking I here a snap. I turn around. There was the singer guy I was still convinced he was just an imatator. He had a gun of some sort he takes aim. Shoot me in the back. It was a pellet gun. my dogs run. He takes out another gun a pistol this time. I call the police. They come arrest him but as he is walking away he jumps on me and gets me in a choke hold.


Elvis,the mystireous fish
The Unknown

Once upon a time,I was eatin' some fishy food.It was tuna.And then I saw it.A little man in the bottom of the tuna can,shakin' his butt at me and singin' Jailhouse Rock.I looked closer and saw it was ELVIS!!!
Wow!The king shook his butt at ME!! Then I put the tuna can in my closet and, ever since I've been hearing 'Jailhouse Rock' in my room.It's a little muffled...


Do I Look Like Elvis???
Nirg

One day after school I was lining up to get on the bus to come home. I turned around and Lance said to me
"Geez man, ya havin' a bad hair day or somthing, ya look like Elvis"


Doctor,Presley
Anonymous

My true story is this I was born in El Campo Texas 1968 , I never paid much attention to the name of the Doctor who delivered me till when I started going through my important papers.I had found my birth certifacate thats when I saw the last name all it said was Doctor Presley.I could not believe it I had been an Elvis fan since I was 7 years old I am now 34 and I stii Love the man.My mom said that she too had seen a Doctor who looked so much like Elvis at the clinic she had been going to.She was there to see her Doctor but he was not there. So this man who looked like Elvis the much older version he had a white beard and big hands after her check up and every thing she turned around to ask him his name he told her that his name was John Barrows he gave her that side smile and walked away after that day she never saw him again.She asked for him at the front desk and they told her that he is a doctor who goes just about any wheres he is needed.


Elvis ate the family Fish!
Leeferd

THIS IS TRUE!!! and NO!!! i am not crazy! i took my medicine today!

one late night i awoke to a strange moise in the family room... as i crept closer i noticed there was a shadowy figure. With that sleek black hair and funny bell bottoms i gasped :GASP: IT WAS ELVIS! while swinging his hips he swallowed the family fish (goldy)!!! I ran in and attempted to hurt him for the unfortanent loss of lovable goldy!
He bit my eye brow and i took a huge bite out of his jucular vein! He was bleeding all over, and then just disappeared.

All you fish owners out there, Watch them carefully! Elvis is still alive, i am sorry i could not stop him for all fish kind but maybe one of you will!


Elvis is a SAS trooper!
Special Operations Troop

Well, one day when i was cleaning my lightsabre (very hard because when ever I try to clean the beam it just frys my rag :( )
Back to the story, I was just about to put it away when all of a sudden, a figure clad in white appeared, I thought it was a nice man but then he grabbed a microphone and sang (yes, sang) us to death!! Our ear-drums burst (what...what did you say) and then he pulled out a light-sabre! He did a front flip and landed on me, with a groan i used my collosol strength and flipped him up. Then Solid Snake came and I controlled his conciousness. I reached for my SOCOM and fired, the shells spun down, then it went into slow motion (which was cool) i could see the bullets speed towards the Elvis beast! I was megaly surprised when he started to dodge all of the bullets like someone from the matrix. Speak of the devil! Neo just came in from a phone booth and fired a magazine full of MP5-K bullets at him. Elvis flipped away and pulled out a desert eagle and trained it at neos head "Now hound dog, time for some fun" he fired once and the bullet went wonky which may of been thanks to Luke Skywalker who used the force to move the bullet away (this is getting quite a turnout) "awwwwww, screw this" elvis said and melted into the floor

And that is my story
p.s. and Neo's
p.p.s. and Luke's


Who was the REAL Elvis?
A man

Who was the REAL Elvis? Well, there is a tale I've heard many times, in a land called Ireland. Once in the Irish land, a man of adventure and virtue lived in a log cabin, WAY out in the middle of a misty swamp. He was rich yet no one knew it. One day he decided to DO something with his money. So he saddled his mule and left the old, log, cabin. At nightfall,he had reached a small, creepy, forest. He decided to rest there for the night. Early the next morning, he reached town. He went and bought a castle. The castle was VERY cheap. Who could refuse FIVE-HUNDRED POUNDS? Yet, the previous owner warned him of an unknown DANGER. But of coarse the man was not afraid. He could protect himself. That night, he was sort of...scared, and couldn't sleep. This bothered him, so he decided to get something to eat. Just as he got out of bed, he heard a thump, and glass break. This startled him. So, he tiptoed to the kitchen. As he walked in, he caught sight of something. There was a semi-small man, hunched over at the back, as if it had been broken several times. It's hair,-spiked all over, and very messy. And the smell, that's what got to him. He gasped, uncontrolably. Instantly the creature shot a glare at him, it had red eyes, sunk deep in the back of it's head. It turned and ran off. The man had frozen in his tracks, and couldn't get himself to move. He then heard footsteps on the stairs, and then...-then, he heard giant bells ringing, and moaning, a mournful cry of sorrow. The man grabbed his gold, ran outside, and hopped on his mule, then left, He had enough money, he didn't need to sell the castle. No one ever saw him again. And that, my friends, is the tale of Elvis, the creature of the castle...


Elvis is my Earlobe.
Anonymoo

Yeah, Elvis is my earlobe. Or was. See, I was hearing this loud voice in my ear, always random Elvis songs. It got annoying after a while, so I went to the doctor and he ran some tests and told me Elvis was my earlobe. It would have been cool, I could have gone around saying "Hey everyone, Elvis is my earlobe!" but I didn't because the voices wouldn't go away. Instead, I had it operated on. They removed my earlobe and put it in a jar and mailed it to the governor of Antarctica. Luckily for me, I was able to get an emergency earlobe transplant before any serious lack-of-earlobe stuff happened.


AwOhO!
Joel .T.

My great grandad knew elvis so beat that!!!He met the fella in vegas
and they had a drink together and got to play his guitar so there!



Elvis is my father
Idiot extrodianre

One day, while I was consuming too many margaritas, I watched Star Wars:Empire Strikes Back, I fell asleep right in the middle of the movie (It could have been because of my mom's egg nog, or that golf commercial, or maybe I was just tired). Suddenly, I was face-to-face lift with Elvis. It was horrible. He lifted his hand to reveal a lightsaber, I had one too. We fought horribly and hard. He had me cornered and I collapsed into a sobbing ball, crying for my Dad. He heard me and said something that chilled me to the bone "I AM YOUR FATHER". I was so shocked... I woke up. Maybe it was all just a dream... or maybe it was a goverment consiperacy. IT WAS, the government is watching us- freaking us out! Uh-oh here come the men in white coats, gotta go!


Elvis on the Train to Holyhead
James

So I was on the train between Chester and Holyhead (though Holyhead was not my final destination, I had another train to catch at Llandundo Junction) and the train stopped at a small station somewhere in North Wales, and among the people who got on board was a strange old man.
This old man was short and fat, and bald, and had beet-red skin. His nose was enormous, and he was not wearing his false teeth, which allowed him to close his mouth much farther than those of us who have the our original teeth.
This was not the sort of man who was willing to simply find a seat and sit down quietly. This was not the sort of many who obeyed the time honored tradition of never ever making eye contact with anybody on a train. If he was going to ride a train, he was going to have some entertainment.
He caught sight of me, and his face lit up. I was very conspicuously not-from-around-there. I was badly unshaven, and wearing baggy jeans, a hunter's-camouflage T-shirt, and an unbuttoned un-ironed bright-green overshirt. Apparently this fits perfectly with the average Welshman's mental stereotype of a visiting American, because I think he had identified me as such before I even opened my mouth and showed off my outrageous American accent.
"Ohh! You come from far away!? America!?" he asked me, stopping in the aisle next to my seat.
"Um, yes. California." I said. The man's accent was very thick, but I was pretty sure I had understood what he said.
"California!" he said, delighted, and then he said something else that must have been a greeting, because he extended his hand to shake.
I shook his hand by reflex. The train was moving now.
The old man continued to stand in the aisle, talking to me about something. I think that most of the worlds he was speaking were English, but I could not understand any of them. I just kept smiling and nodding, because I am one of those terminally polite people.
There was an empty seat behind him, and he finally sat down, opposite the aisle from me. He was still talking. I leaned over close and turned my head to the side to try to hear better, as if he was whispering, but of course he wasn't whispering, he was speaking quite loudly. I just couldn't quite understand. Everyone else on the train car was now watching us. The rule about not looking at other passengers always gets a temporary suspension when somebody crazy comes on board.
Finally I got a clue what he was talking about. "You have a friend in California!" I said.
"Yes! Yes!" he replied, overjoyed that his communication was working. He kept taking.
Now I got the impression he was trying to remember the guy's name, but couldn't quite recall it. he was resorting to pantomiming what this guy did.
"Bang! bang!" said the old Welshman, pointing both index fingers like guns, "Stickem Up!"
I was really starting to wonder about the identity of his friend.
Finally he remembered the friend's name. "Clint Eastwood!" he said, beaming.
I laughed. "Oh, Clint Eastwood, huh?"
"You know him, yeah?" said the man.
"Heard of him, but never met him." I admitted.
Now the old Welshman was talking about someone else. I listened and caught the words "Nashville" and "Guitar". I knew where he was going with this.
"Elvis Presley!" I said, triumphantly.
The old man stopped mid sentence, and stared at me, wide-eyed.
"King of Rock and Roll!" I continued.
He mouthed for words.
"Blue Suede Shoes! Jailhouse Rock! Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog!"
"Yes! Elvis Presley!" Said the old man, regaining his composure. Then, grinning and pointing at his chest he added "Thats me!"
"You are Elvis Presley?" I asked, incredulous.
"Yes, Elvis Presley, thats me!" he said.
"Pleased to meet you Elvis!" I said, and we shook hands again.
Now that I knew his true identity, the old man rapidly lost interest in me, and turned the weight of his attention onto the solemn London businessman sitting opposite him. I listened for awhile as the Welshman tried to convince the Londoner first that his name was "Tom Jones" and then that he was "Prince Charles". Eventually I slipped back into the waking-sleep of the zombie train-rider, and heard no more.
When I finally left the train at Llandundo Junction, Elvis/Tom/Charles called out a goodbye to me. "Goodbye America! Clint Eastwood! Clint Eastwood!" he said.
I waved.



Elvis in RPGs
Xerian

It's true! I was playing my RPG game when I had another stupid monster encounter (probably a Chincreature again) when it said "Elvis appears!" I thought oh my gosh I never seen this monster before so then I used one of my heroes and cast SEEALL. Elvis had 200,000 HP, 0 MP 50 ATK, 5,000 DEF, 1,500,000 BADSONG, 1 SPD. My characters had 1000 HP at the most so I was like oh no. I cast many spells like STOPSONG and LOSEWEIGHT and KILLMORE and SPAM and OBLIVIATIONTOALLMONSTERSEVENELVISES but none of the spells worked. I started whacking him with my Stick and Egg and Explodable SPAM Cans but nothing worked. Then after 1,000,000 turns Elvis finally could attack and he cast BADSONG and started singing one of his "hits" and all my party members died except IAMUSELESS who was too stupid to be effected by Elvis and his horrible song so I came up with an idea. I cast KABLOOEY but no effect. Then SUMMONJAMES and James 'SPAM Man' Paige popped out and started throwing SMOKYSPAM at Elvis and he took 1 HP damage each time and after James threw 199,999 cans of SPAM and was complaining about what a waste that was even to kill Elvis he gathered enough speed to attack again and he cast SINGTOMYSELFANDGETCONFIDENCEOFMYIDIOTSELF. He healed 199,999 HP and the SUMMONJAMES spell wore off then and I had 0 MP out of 90,000 and the only items I had was HERB and BIGHERB and HUMONGOUSLYGIANTHERB and PEBBLE so I threw the pebble and Elvis took 200,001 HP damage and he died. I got 15 EXP and 0 GOLD and I was very mad because I spent 15 hours trying to kill Elvis and my system was near burning up on fire and all I get is a crummy 15 EXP when I need 1,050,021 EXP points to get to LEVEL 55. So then I was walking when a dialouge box popped up saying "THIS AREA FEELS STRANGE" so I cast PERSPECTION and I got another monster encounter with Elvis. I was so mad I grabbed my sledge hammer but my system blew up before I could smash it up and then no more Elvis encounters! I said with relief. So I changed to Channel 46 and on Comedy Central there was THE ELVIS RPG SHOW and it showed me playing an RPG with Elvis in it and made me look stupid by putting bunny ears on my head so I got mad and destroyed my TV. 2 weeks later I got a mail that said it would give me an ELVIS RPG for $2.00 and it comes with a free Elvis CD ROM game for the PC but I hated Elvis so I put it on fire and now I don't play with my ELVIS ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM anymore.


Elvis is a fuxion cardz master!
Me

Once, I was playing a game of fuxion cardz at school with my friends, when this new kid came over and sat down, and he said, hey, can I play, and we're like yeah right, but then he pulls out this cardz deck, and its like really big and so we're all...sure you can play, and so I decide to challenge him, and he accepted. Cool, huh?
so anyway, we sat down and we each drew seven cardz and two dice, and we flipped a coin, and it landed on Tuesday so I got to go first, but then he pointed out that I was born in June, so HE should go first, which was stupid, because eveyone knows that the full moon was LAST WEEK. But I let him anyway cuz I knew I would win.
So he plays a card face down and uses a Trainer card, which lets him draw two cards, and so he did, and then he played another card face down and ended his turn.
I, being a gambling man, decided to do a roll instead of drawing. My roll gave me DISCARD THE MIDDLE CARD IN YOUR HAND, so I had to ditch my ace of spades. Then I played the Cave Bat in Attack Mode and attacked the first thing he played, but it was a trap and I lost 200 Life Points, so I played a high-low-trump to counter and turned it on him. For a chance to double or nothing, I rolled the dice and calculated the approximate alignment of the planets at that time. The answer was 42, plus the number of dimples on a golf-ball meant that I won. his life points were reduced to 9000, and I got to pick up a prize. It was the Klark Kent charecter card. I had my gears turning.
The new kid also rolled instead of drawing, and he got to double his hand size. He then played a ImHotep card and added Salamandra the fire sword, making it into Mummified Fire Warlord, which destroyed my cave bat without a chance to counter.
Deciding to playit safe, I drew the FUSE 2OR MORE Card, and proseeded to fuse Klark Kent with Oddish and attach the Book of Secret ARts and Monstrous Growth, and equipping Tank Gun, creating the Super-Smart Rambo-like Giant Plant Creature, It was a 4500/20 with 8000HP, first strike and trample. I attacked, destroying the Fire Warlord and Bringing his life points down to zero. But, I couldn't remember how to make a krabby patty, and my pants were on backwards so I had to flip a coin. It landed on "go directly to jail-do not pass go" so my life points came down to 63 1/3.
Drawing a card, my opponent slowly smiled at me. He said, have you ever heard of Blue Suede Ritual?, and I'm like what? nobody can perform that. Then he played the Hound Dog, attached Radioactive Peanut-Butter and Bannana Sandwich artifact and played the Blue Suede Ritual, sacrificing the Hound Dog and his face-down card to play the Demonic Blue Suede Shoes-9000/0 then he used Defense Booster, raising it to a 9000/2500. Luckily for me, he had to skip his Battle Phase thanks to the fact that tomorrow was my mom's birthday, AND the day that I do my shopping. Plus I gained fifty life points for every pair of wool socks I was wearing, which put me at 463 1/3.
I rolled the dice which landed on DRAW THREE CARDS, PEANUT BRAIN. Carefully cleaning my ear with an oven mitt, I drew, my face breaking into smile. I first played Serpentine Weasle in Defense Mode. Then I played the magic card, UPS Guy, which, if it was 12:32 on the first Tuesday of October, 2002, allowed me to switch out with my opponent. He got the Serpentine Weasle, a lousy 10/10, while I got his Demonic Shoes. Using the Shoes, I destroyed the Weasel, reducing his life Points to -12, and causing me to win. But before I could cheer, my opponent started to swell up and round out. His T-Shirt popped off, revealing a white suit and a swanky haircut. He pulled a microphone out of his pocket, slipped on my Blue Suede Shoes Creature, and his transformation to Elvis was complete.
By then I had sworn I would never eat Twinkies with Goat Cheese EVER AGAIN! But I wasn't seeing dairy-induced hallucinations, this was REAL. Elvis downgraded me for beating him in his favorite game, said I probably didn't have any more hard drive space on my head cause it was full of rules and combos, and that I was a lousy-faced punk of a weasle. I said, hey, if you don't like to lose don't play, and he got all mad at ME! AN\nd then he like flew away on a cow pelting me with hats and shoes with singing the national anthem of Switzerland through a fiddle(which is very hard, by the by.)
And..um...that's how I know Elvis is really good at Fuxion Cardz


YOU are Elvis!
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together

"We all know that you're Elvis, don't even try to deny it. The police are coming and so is Jimi Hendrix who you made everyone believe was dead. So, how did I know? Well, when you were unconscious from the bomb I secretly removed the mask of ferociouswhale! It may not make sense now, but think about in prison and you'll understand just why I suis la fromage! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You never thought I, the cheese, would never realize that bread is murder..."


Elvis was in Roanoke!
John white

Well, when Thee returned to Roanoke island, thou found nothing but rocks and a strange person named Elvis. Thou told him to search for the colonists, but he just said "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh"


Elvis is a pranker
Idiot Extrodinare

One day while I was sitting around and watching the telly (T.V. for all you newfangled kids)the phone rang and I said "WHAT DO YOU WANT!" and the other person started to say "Is your refridgerator running?" of course, I knew this joke but I said "Yup" the he said "Well...DANG I forgot the punch-line" and I said "What the-?" but before I finished mt crude sentence, he put me on hold with bad Elvis music. I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed *gasp* until I decided to take ACTION! I did something so brave that even I'M surprised at I WENT TO TAKE A NAP!


Elvis is a cow!
Anonymooo!

Elvis re-incarnated as a cow! Seriously! I was jogging down an old road, and I saw a cow that was watching its cow-buddies. Then all the cows looked up and all walked over to this one cow. S/he was black and white, with spots that looked like guitars. The other cows all lined up in an arc around the one cow, and the elvis-cow started singing "Love Me Tender"! Exept that it was in Cow-Language, so it sounded like:

(Moo me moo-mooo, moo me moooooo...
(love me tenderr, love me truuue...)

and all the other cows started cheering in cow-language, and Elvis-Cow said "Moo-mu, moo-mu moomy muh," Just like Elvis said, "Thank you, thank yu very much."

After that I dont remember very much.
I suspect the Cows.



The Coming and Going of Days
Postal Worker #23656.1

I still remember the days when I used to have a name. I was...Okay, I don't remember. But the days were happy.

Those days are no more.

I was in a boarding school with all my friends. I could do what I wanted, but I and my friends were forced to work illegaly for Nike.

Overseer: Where's the %&*!ing leather shipment?

Me: I'm sorry, but the post office didn't bring it yet. It's been slow, y'know, since Vlad took over. Uh, could you clean up your language? there are little kids here.

Overseer: *&^@ing lazy &#*#$!(gets out whip)

I got whipped alot. But then I wrote home. But wait, they screened letters, how could I send it? Well, this was no time for letters, I had to escape! (cue Mission Impossible theme song)

I snuck to the wall one night. The guards were talking.

Guard 1: I heard that the little #&%*!s are buying from a black market.

Guard 2: No @$%#?! Who are they getting it from?

Guard 1: there's no evidence, but here is a list of suspects.

I managed to crawl over to the guards (I was on the roof), but then I slipped. Fortunetly, my pants caught on to a piece of barb wire so I didn't fall, and the guards didn't notice me. Unfortunetly, I don't think the barb wire was all that strong and If I fell, my pants would rip off, and I'd fall right between the guards.

Here is the list of suspects:
-Bob the Hamster
-Fried Dragon
-Bob Dole
-the pancreas of the late Al Gore
-Elvis Presley
-Evil Bob
-Vlad the Impaler
-He Who Kicks Trash Cans

I noticed the name Elvis. I had heard of it before. Wait, that was my dad's old college roommate! I could go to him for help!

My sudden gasp caused my pants to rip, not off, but it did get the attention of the guards. They started yelling at me. I tried but I couldn't get unstuck! But the guards were fat, and had trouble following me on the roof.

I had to do it. I had to take off my pants. It was the only way to escape. I just wish it hadn't been such a cold night. I ran in my underwear to Elvis's house.

Elvis: Hello? Oh hi...(notices I'm not wearing pants). Um, I think you need to come inside.

So I did. I got a bath and put on some of Elvis's clothes (mine were dirty). I looked funny because they were too big, and I'm a girl; guy's clothes really don't look all that great on me.

Then I called my mom.
She called the police and the newspapers.
The police arrested the Nike officials.
One of the Nike officials shot a reporter.
The families of the reporter made sure he got the death penalty.

I was finally free. But it hadn't been all bad at the boarding school. I still remember the pranks me and my friends pulled. We washed out the guards' mouths with our Undroppable Soap. We stole twenty pairs of shoes and sold them to kids that came home from public school. If only I knew that those were the best days of my life.

I was sent to a new boarding school the next year. Elvis said that it was a good place, but I wasn't so sure, especially since I found out that the principal was agent Smith from the Matrix.

Only two of my friends went to the same school, and I didn't have any of their classes. My new "friends" were crazy.

Them: (singing) Hello! Are you ----? (I don't remember my name)

Me: Um, yeah.

Them: (singing) we want to make sure that you get along fine at this school. We will be your friends!

I couldn't believe mom sent me here. I guess she really doesn't want me to be at the house. It would be tollerable though, if it weren't for my Chemistry teacher, Mr. Steelman. I'm convinced that he's evil.

He eats. A lot. But he doesn't get fat. And I never see him exercising. He also sings about his class and students.

Steelman: (singing) Todd Yates is the hottest thing since the sun.

This isn't even as bad as the stuff he writes on the board.

"Chemistry is chool."
"Mr. Steelman is a HUGE idiot toolboy flamer."

Yes, he did write the second one. I talked to the principal, Agent Smith, about him. This is the entire conversation:

Smith: Come in, ----. Now, I understand that you have a problem with one of the teachers.

Me: Yes. Mr. Steelman is crazy and I don't think that he should be able to teach anymore.

Smith: Steelman is the most qualified teacher we have. I'm sure that he isn't crazy. This is because his class is the only one you're failing, right?

Me: But sir! He ate his teachers edition Chemistry book day before yesterday!

Smith: As I recall, he reported that you were sleeping in class that day. People don't wear glasses when they sleep. Were you?

Me: (defeated) No sir.

Smith: Then no more of this nonsense.

As it turned out, the chemistry teacher wasn't Steelman. The real Steelman was his postal worker slave. Yes, I said postal worker. This means that Vlad the Impaler was posing as our teacher. We found it out the day everything went wrong, February 29.

That morning Vlad(posing as Steelman) was teaching. At 10:54 Vlad ripped through his disguise and howled, calling forth all postal workers, alive and dead. There was only one person who could stop Vlad in his evil tracks. Elvis.

Elvis: I've had enough of you stealing my fame! I should be the only one on Hamsterrepublic.com!

Vlad: Ah, Elvis, long have a awaited this moment! But let us not waste time on idle chatter, we shall fight!

The two went to the football field to fight. All the postal zombies were on one side, and the students lined up on the other. Vlad and Elvis each got 3000 power points.

It began. Elvis took out his guitar and played the song of death, but Vlad was immune (that happens to you when you are already dead).
Vlad got his evil sun shooter and took out 1000 of Elvis's points, and about 15 students.
Elvis smashed his guitar on Vlad's head. Off came 32 points.
Vlad spat. 500 points were taken.
Elvis threw flame records and took away 100 points.
Vlad sissy-slapped Elvis. 1000 points came away.
Elvis used his secret dire weapon, which removed 2700 points.
Vlad impaled Elvis, and took 10111 points
Elvis died.
Vlad brought back Elvis in the form of an evil postal worker.
I realized that Vlad had been cheating.

And so, Vlad conquered the entire world. He made us learn an evil language and work for him.
Since Agent Smith was "such a good principal," Vlad made him his personal lackey.
Bob the hamster and Bob Dole were assasinated.
Evil Bob took Bob the Hamster's spot.
Al Gore's pancreas were eaten.
Fried Dragon got food poisoning.
He Who Kicks Trash Cans disapeared into nothingness.

Vlad then gave us numbers instead of names. For the past five years I have been weaving Vlad's elaborate clothes (no factories; Vlad doesn't want the pollution to speed his rigor mortis). I wish things would change. I work every day, with only six hours of fitful sleep. Even the dead can't rest. Now, when people die, Vlad brings them back as postal workers. They have even less sleep. Is there no hope for tomorrow?

Even worse, Vlad blotted out the sun. Plants only grow with his evil lamps. They're really expensive, and a lot of people died before they could get them. Now there is only darkness.

*noise*

What was that?

---THEEND.


Elvis for dinner
Edward

One night, my grandma cooked meatloaf. now, usually I like meatloaf, but tonight was different. as I took my shiny knife and shiny fork to the dilectable loaf, I had a sort of "flashback". It was like a predominant thought. it consumeb my brain. I saw elvis...singing. then I flashed back. I cut a slice of meat, but it looked different. I though "it looks different. I wonder what it is about it". then It hit me. the meatloaf was THE DISEMBODIED HEAD OF ELVIS PRESLEY! It wasn't gross or anything; there was no blood or anything. he wasn't even dead. he was singing. as we ate him. he didn't seem to mind. I guess my family didn't even notice. I asked him how he got there. my family told me I was seeing things. they sent me to a mental institution. but i kept seeing him. it started with the other patients. some looked like elvis. then more and more and more. then the staff. everyone was elvis. then the medication. every pill was an elvis. so, as I am typing this on my elvis (attached to my elvis) in my elvis, while sitting on the elvis while elvis gives me my elvis-es, I think 'why me, elvis, why me?'


ok
Mike-e-fresh

dude, i was in kmart the other day, and i saw elvis! he was pretty screwd up, he was like, old and fat, and wearing a nametag saying "hi, my name is Dave" i was like "hey elvis! what's goin on? and he said "im not elvis! im dave!" so im like, yea, suuuuure you are, ELVIS!" eventually, i got kicked outta the store. so i made my way to wall-mart. there i saw Tupac, but that's a different story.


Elvis is a ghost!
Sir Li

One dark and stormy 4th o' July, at our Family reunion, my Uncle was just gonna take a picture of us all, right? Well, they got the film developed, and they sent us one of the photoz. Well, when we got it, I opened it up, and there, just visible to the naked eye, standing in front of me was a simi-transparent ELVIS!! I tried to show everyone, but they didn't believe me, and claimed they couldn't see him. I wonder what they're trying to hide...